Something to fight about?

The people who are close to me would have known that one of the things that I really want to do is to make a difference in the world. I have discussed this with Syu often enough that I think she had an earful of this. Every now and then, I would come up with some ideas on how I can make a difference, how I can touch people's life. Most of the ideas though remain ideas. I did not explore it and some that I did usually stopped after a while.

I want to do good. I want to help other people. I just cannot stay committed long enough to make it a success.

I have commitment issues and I don't really know how to fix that.

I was watching E!THS Oprah just now and I was awed by who she is. I know that she is a huge success but I have no idea how was her past.

She was a result of a single/the only intercourse of two teenagers who was never in a relationship. She was extremely poor when she was growing up. She was raped since she was 9 until she was 14 by her cousin, her uncle and a family friend. When she was 14, she was pregnant and gave birth to a son but he died shortly after birth. With all that history, she managed to become who she is today.

I am very impressed.

What makes it even more impressive, she is not just any USD 2.7 billion worth lady. She is a USD 2.7 billion worth lady who did make a lot of differences in the world. She had touched so many lives that I have become envious of her. Throughout the documentary, I was searching what makes her to stay that committed. Then I see it.

She is always fighting for something.

She is fighting for her place as an African American. She is fighting for her place as a woman. She is fighting for her believe.

She is a fighter and she wants everyone to see it.

She did not let her past to bring her down. Instead, she uses it to inspire her to help others. To make sure what happened to her won't happen to others.

She has been fighting her past for others' future.

That inspires me. That is a proven, solid evidence of an individual who possibly has all the worst thing happened to her, but thrive nevertheless.

If I think I have a hard life, then let it be a drive for me to stay committed in making the world a better place.

I want to fight for something too. Yes, I do.

I got tagged by Ana.. Yay!!

Don't take long to think about it. Ten books you've read that will always stick with you. First 10 you can recall in no more than 10 minutes. Tag up to 10 friends, including me because I'm interested in seeing what books my friends choose.

1. Tempat Jatuh Lagi Dikenang - Adibah Amin - Amazing journey of a girl called Hanim. I first read it when I was 8 and has repeated it over and over again until today. It is just that good.

2. A thousand splendid suns - Khaled Hosseini - gripping, it redefines strength and bravery in women.

3. Harry Potter series - J.K Rowling - too fun!!! I skipped several classes during my freshmen year for her books and talk about it with Yani non stop as if they actually existed! I still think they do.. hehe

4. Suburban Renewal - Pamela Morsi - Teached me about relationship. That there is no fairytale in life. Every relationship needs work and understanding even when you think you don't love each other anymore.

5. Doing Good - Pamela Morsi - I don't remember why I like this book but I guess it somehow inspires me to do good in life.

6. The first time - Joy Fielding - A tear-jerker!! Haha, I read this when I feel like crying and it has never failed me.

7. Nyanyian tanjung sepi - Noor Suraya - All the characters are real enough that you become quite annoyed with them at times. It changes the way I see the world. It shows that even good things can end. Still, it is not the end of the world and happiness can come in many ways.

8. Vanishing acts - Jodi Picoult - Picoult is just too good at showing the two sides of the coin. The grey between the black and white. You found yourself comtemplating in siding with whom in this book and deciding what is right or wrong.

9. My sister's keeper - Jodi Picoult - She is very generous with her characters, again. Within time, you found yourself loving all of them, yet none is perfect.

10. Mercy - Jody Picoult - Okay, this book really attract me because it shows that sometimes a love affair is not as sordid as we always seem to imagine. I mean, it started naturally and is just as beautiful as the regular ones. *sigh*. I'm not really sure if that is a good thing. Again, Picoult is just too good. I feel sorry for all three characters, the wife, the husband and the third woman.

Urghh.. I can go on and on and on about books. I just love them! I can't really say if these 10 are my favorite. Oh except for the first one, it is my favorite. The rest are just the ones that popped into my mind.

Should I be Afraid?

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without.

If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with?

Fall head over heels.

I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back.

And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart.

Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back.

Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this.

To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all.

You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

-William Parrish, Meet Joe Black (1998)

We really have no idea how God can turn our life.

These days, I found myself making decisions that I have never thought I could make before. These days, I found myself agreeing to things that I can never agree before. These days, I found that there is always more strength in me that I have never realized before.

All of that because of love.

I know, very cliche.

I also know that maybe tomorrow, I will see it in a different angle. But it satisfies me today to know that when I love, I really love and no one can say otherwise.

My late father talks very rarely about love. One afternoon he looked at me and told me "Be with someone who loves you more than you love him.". I understood what he meant back then. The thing is now, if I let myself be loved that much, how is it possible for me not to love back as much? or even more? Does the advise still applicable now when the amount of love is equal?

I say, no regret. So what if I cry tomorrow?

Reasons for not blogging...

If I am a writer, I would call this a writer's block. I am not that though, so it is just simply that there is nothing interesting going on in my life these days that is worth writing about.

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I have a friend who updates his blog once in a blue moon. Every update is a worthwhile read and always keep me wanting for more. Still, he sometimes take more than half a year to come up with a new entry. I teased him about this once and he told me that he only writes when he's depressed. Maybe I am like that too. Maybe I'm not depressed enough these days????

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I (used to) care a lot about many things. Gaza, charity and all of that humanitarian stuff. These days I am just too lazy to read about anything. Or care. Which is bad, I know. These days I am more selfish. I put myself first before others. Hence, no more stories about that

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Nobody tag me anymore!!!

p/s Missy Ainur, puas hati?

The I've learned game

I've learned that..

we never know temptations until we experience it..

I've learned that..

we should never judge other people because it only take a heartbeat for God to turn back the table to us..

I've learned that..

maturity and age are two very different things, and I choose to settle with the former..

I've learned that..

life without friends is a very lonely life to live..

I've learned that..

time doesn't heal anything unless you let them to..

I've learned that..

God always hear your prayers and grant them, whether it's good or bad for you, if you really ask..

I've learned that..

even the strongest of heart can be broken to million pieces and it only take one person to put it together, you.

I've learned that..

a perfect person doesn't make a perfect love, a perfect love makes a perfect person..

I've learned that..

there are no same stories in the world, so you shouldn't compare yourself to others..

I've learned that..

no matter how bad things have become you can always find your way back. Always.

I've learned that..

there are many things in the world that are not worth to be angry about..

I've learned that..

the mind is a very powerful tool and you can do everything if you believe you can..

I've learned that..

suspicion is like a tumor. You let it, it will grow and kill you. Either ask until you are satisfied or give people the benefit of the doubt..

I've learned that..

love should make heart grows strong.. and if it otherwise, teach the heart to be strong..it's all in you..

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Anyway, someone wrote in his blog this "I've learned" thing. I think it's really cool because in my 26 years and 6 months of breathing, I did learn a few things out of life and I would love to share it.

So, I want to start a tag (hehe, for the first time) of what have you learned in your whatever number years of life. Let's call this tag "The I've learned game". I want to tag:

1. Adik

2. Yie

3. Syu

4. Sheila

5. Sarimah

6. Lina Ideris

7. Farahana

8. Ainur

9. Tet

10. Kak Amy

11. Ina

and you!!!!!!!!! whoever you are.. wherever you are.. life is what if not a series reflections.. kan kan kan??

When The Coffee is Cold

When the talk is good

And the feeling is easy

And the laughter is light

And the memories are many

But the time is too short

You know that you are with

A Friend....

Curiosity Kills the Cat

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself. The future is never the way we imagined it.

-Meredith of Grey's Anatomy (ep:23&24)

Yeay, my sister is home! Hence, my torturous days of waiting for the Grey's Anatomy series has ended. This season season's finale is by far my most favorite. It's amazing after 5 seasons, I'm still glued to this series.

The quote above would be my favorite for this season. I worry about the future too much. Like it said though, even if I know it in advance it still won't cushion the blow.

When my father was sick and bedbound, I have prepared myself emotionally for the worst news. Yet when the worst happened, the pain is nothing like I have ever experienced before. So, I agree. Knowing what will happen doesn't exactly help you emotionally.

Still, I can't help but wonder how everything would turn out someday. I know, I know, live today for the fullest and your future will unfold itself. Even so, a girl can be a little curious, can't she?