Update on Care for Refugees

It's been a while since I received the email from halfdate regarding this video. One week to be exact. The night I opened it, I was in my hotel room in Kota Bharu. I was thankful that I was all alone because within minutes watching it, tears started rolling down. Before I know it, I started sobbing. That night I went to bed early, unable to write anything. I prayed that I would find the words better the next day. Sadly, I was too caught up in work until today. 

Alhamdulillah, today I am able to share this video and I hope it would touch you as much as it did to me. Please remember that they are our sisters and brothers. I hope one day when we were asked how we have helped our brothers and sisters; the eyes, the tears and the fingers would speak. 

On April 17th, I received another email from halfdate. Among its contents, this one really caught my eyes:

A: Just curious, why you picked to donate $7.29?

B: Because that's all I could afford without making my bank account empty.

Someone actually donated that much because that is all she can afford. Yet she did it anyway because she knows that it won't go unrewarded. In fact, she'll get more out of it.

Right now, I am not asking you to donate your money because there are actually a lot of donors out there. What they are requesting right now are letters from us to the refugee families. I know writing letters, buying stamps, posting them can be a hassle. So, if there is something you want to say to these families, you can email me or simply leave a comment here. I will mail the words to them. For more information on this project, you can refer to this page: http://halfdate.com/2009/04/02/care-for-refugees/#address

I'm sure whoever you are, you do feel alone sometimes. Even when you have the people you love with you. Imagine these people who just lost almost everyone they knew. Moving to a place where everything is so alien, including the language. Imagine their nights, the vivid images that they see during their wake and their sleep. Imagine their day, missing the people that they used to know. Imagine your loneliness and compared it with theirs. The letters would help ease the feeling. Let's lend a helping hand, let's write a letter, ok?

p/s if you know a kindergarden teacher or if you know anyone at all who are looking for a project, you can propose this one. 

Care for Refugees

I am not that big fan of Facebook. However, one of the things that I like about Facebook is the many causes that we can join. I was invited to join Halfdate last year. Having to read briefly on what the organization is about, I clicked on yes, silently promising to contribute something, someday. I receive emails from Halfdate almost on a daily basis. I check out the website, every once in a while but never really have contributed to anything.

Halfdate is a volunteer organization that promotes Sadaqah. The word Sadaqah gives a broader definition in this context because most of the times, they don't ask for money. In some event, they don't even want to accept your money. Halfdate is not focusing on any specific issues. The point of this organization is to help people. So, anyone of the members could come up with a new project and share it with other members. Those active members would discuss the way that they can help and invite the rest of the volunteers to help. The best thing is, it works. It seems the world is still full with good-hearted people. The dark knight would be disappointed. 

I always supported their causes through my prayers but this time I wanted to be a little more active. This is something that I can do. We have a new project. It's called "Care for Refugees".

The drive is focused on helping ten Iraqi families. At the moment, they only have the information on four families (I simply cut and paste from the website):

Family #1 (Iraqi)
Single woman, lives on her own, doesn’t speak English. Wallahy she has been waiting all week for our visit, she hasn’t been here for long and doesn’t know that many ppl. Has no one to talk to, and thats her main problem, she wants to learn English so bad. I suggest some sisters make it a habit to visit her twice a week. Maybe get some dessert or something and just go spend some quality time with her. She will be having surgery in April so won’t be able to work this month until she gets the surgery and recovers. She also needs pocket money during this period until she starts working again. Please visit her, call her on the phone, make her know that she is not forgotten!

Family #2 (Iraqi)
Single woman living with her mom and she is the one that has to pay the bills, her mom is too old to work. She was in dire need of finding a job last week and alhamdulillah she just got one a couple of days ago. She hasn’t been working for a month though and her rent has to be paid before the end of the month!!! She also is planning to move closer to work because she takes 3 buses just to get there from where they live. So we promised to help her move, but rent still has to be paid for this month!!!

Family #3 (Iraqi)
A man in his mid 30s, can’t work because he has a lot of medical problems, needs help paying his electric bill (inshalla is in the process of being taken care of). He doesn’t speak English and therefore is isolated in this big world! We should start making it a habit to visit him every week too. He says he could use some furniture around the house so we need to go visit him and find out how can we help him more.

Family #4 (Iraqi)
The father used to work as a barber in Iraq, he had another job here but got laid off because of the economy. He said he is waiting on his papers to come from Iraq this week so that he can start working his normal job (cutting hair). He is having trouble paying the bills and rent till he starts working again.

Here is the drive target:

1. Collecting $4,977 USD (rent about $750 + educational programs for $500)
2. Getting 70 support comments and dua, click here to post a pleasant word
3. Getting 6 support letters/cards for kids and parents mail them to this address

And, how you can help:

• Grow HalfDate: For every mailing list signup, HalfDate will donate $1 up to $200. Just join the mailing list and post a comment that you are participating in Alamaanah drive
• Blog for a cause: For every blog post about helping refugees/Alamaanah, $5 will be donated up to $250
• A pleasant word! For every comment or Dua about Sadaqah or refugees posted about helping refugees, $1 Canadian Dollar will be donated up to $100.
• Matching Challenge: If 100 people each donates $5, I’ll match their donations ($500) - post in the comment
• Unemployed & Broke Challenge: If an unemployed Muslim donates $20, we’ll double it up to ($500) - post in the comment

Helping can be as easy as clicking and you don't even have to fork out your money (you are most welcomed if you want to, though). I really hope this post can reach someone if not all the readers. Please, please, please, please, please, check out the website and if you feel this is something that you want to do (now or later), please, please, please join the mailing list and help spread the word. This might seem little and we might not be giants but every little thing matters. It's a kid that killed Voldemort and it's a small hobbit that throw the ring into the fire. Why not us?

We have been honored to have been offered this chance to help. So, let's do it!

Today

Yesterday, I long for today

Today, I found you.

Today, I understand love a little better,

Today, I understand life a little better,

Today, I realize love is not about perfection,

Today, I realize life is not about extraordinary,

Today, I learn that heart can only feel so much,

Today, I learn that head can only know so much,

Only today, when my heart and my head collides,

I rewrite needs and wants,

As I want you,

I cannot need you.

Today, I am happy,

Even if it had ended before it even began.

Today, I found you,

Today, I found me.

Saturday Afternoon

For some reason, I was asked to dedicate this entry to Elly, Syu and Sheila.. Hmm..it's not exactly what you thought I would write.. Nevertheless..

I spent my Saturday afternoon reading this one particular blog and it was indeed my project for that day. I promised myself to read all the entries but I forgot to look at the number of entries before I promised that and now it seems impossible to do so. At least not in one day. Even so,  it became quiet monotonous after a while. Hence, I'm not going to do it again. Still, I am going to follow the blog. He's quite fascinating to observe. Well, I think I've said too much already. [Girls, the story stopped here]

However, the issue of my entry today is about other people's blogs. If you have not realized it yet, I follow many blogs. The one in my listings cannot even justify the number of blogs that I read on a daily basis. 

Just recently, I found out that all five Aidan directors have their own blog that they update on a weekly basis. The issues range from personal to business, from dealing with dengue to how to write well to sharing the formula of successful businesses . It is quite interesting to listen to the rumbles of these entrepreneurs' minds. Do check them out at http://blog.aidan.com.my/. It is a worthwhile read.

I guess it's easy to understand why I read all these blogs. For one, I just love reading. I read everything from textbooks to TV guide. For another, it kept me updated with my network's 'what-up'. Oh yes, we are the Gen X, cybercommunity is our thing. Heh.

After reading of endless 'supposedly-to-be-intelligent' entries, I noticed something about these type of bloggers. They are a bit arrogant. Please, I beg you to stay with me. I will try my best to convey this without hurting anyone. Some of these bloggers feel that only those who write something intellectual like politics, business tips, and humanitarian causes deserve to be on the web. Personal blogs do not get the same credit.

I used to agree with that sentiment many years back. I hated blogs back then because blogs were mainly used to tell personal stories. To me, the stories should be kept locked. Not parading it online. Today, I still feel that you should not wash your dirty laundry in public but I know it is all within your right. Well, that applies if and only if what you write did not hurt anyone but yourselves. So, if a person chooses (bearing in mind they know all the consequences) to share their personal stories online, just let them. They have the right to write and you have the right to ignore it. Just because they don't write something that you think as clever, it did not give you the right to discourage them.

If that logic applies, then I should not say anything because this rule should apply to these 'intellectual' bloggers as well. They should have the right to say whatever they want to say because it's within their rights, right? You 'intellectual' bloggers might have recognize that it is a little oxymoronic. I agree.

The whole point of writing this entry is, if possible, to ask for some consideration from the 'intellectual' bloggers to not be too negative. We do like reading your entries, they sound.....intellectual. If you could return the same courtesy by being a little bit more sensitive to your reader, that would be nice.

sigh.. I don't even know why I write this. I'm just....

Just another book review and more

[Warning: Might contain a spoiler for the Twillight book series. Do not proceed if you have not read the book or if you love Stephanie Meyer. The author is not responsible for any heart break due to the criticism of the book]

I commented about “Twillight”, the book series, in Ina’s blog. I am not correcting it. I stand by my opinion but I think it deserve a proper review.

I was wrong when I thought I was addicted to it the last time. Last time, I did not get addicted to the book. I was however, floating in the cloud reading it. It was too good to be true and besides the fact I know that it is not healthy for me, I read it anyways. I read ¾ of the second book and then jump to the ending. For the third and fourth book, I simply flipped through it and went straight to the ending. I was not addicted to the book. I was, however, very curious to find out how it ends.

Stephanie Meyer is quite redundant in her writing and she put a lot of details which bore me. I just want to know if Edward’s going to turn Bella into a vampire and he did. That was a disappointment because it’s too predictable. It is what the readers want. I wanted to be surprised.

Despite my negative reviews though, I found myself hung up on the series. I just cannot stop reading it, especially the first book.  I am now addicted to it. Still, I can point out so many flaws on the writing, the plot, and the characters. It puzzled me how it is possible for me to be addicted to something that I know is bad for me, emotionally.

Then again, it is not that surprising. Else we would not have drug addicts or alcoholics. After several days of thinking (obviously my life is that happening), I think I know why the book is such a success or to be precise, why I can’t just let it go.

It’s easy to relate to Bella. Almost all of the female population, age ranging from 14 to 45 is a Bella. She is clumsy, she is insecure, she feels that she doesn’t fit anywhere and she’s invisible. Ordinary, or at least that’s what we think of ourselves. Most of us are wondering if this is as far as we could go. Most of us are hoping for some miracle to happen, waiting to break out of that ordinary shell. Waiting for a savior, an Edward.

Edward is a classic Prince Charming. He is very attractive with unbelievably handsome features, husky & seducing voice, addictive smell and with supernatural powers. He is romantic. He says exactly what you want to hear and the most amazing thing is he loves you a hell lot more than you love him, which is beyond infinite. Now isn’t that something?

And then, there’s a Jacob. Meyer is quite good in tackling her audience. Not every women like an Edward. For some, despite the danger in his diet preference, he is not enough of a bad boy. He is too good that it became annoying at times. Jacob is the solution. He’s young, he’s reckless and he’s dangerous. Unlike Edward who thinks thoroughly of his decision, Jacob is the exact opposite. He is passionate about everything and he could care less about rules. A classic Bad Boy.

They are the extremes of each type and both of them love Bella to death. This is even better than Cinderella. She only got one guy saving her. Bella has two. Yet all she wants to do is be a vampire. How ambitious.

After the fifth (I exaggerated of course, it’s more than that) time reading it, I finally appreciate all the minor, insignificant details described by Meyer. If I was in the cloud before, the minor details that I later appreciate put me in the seventh heaven. People say that she is an imaginative person. I disagree with that. J.K Rowling is an imaginative person. Meyer is not. How hard is it to fantasize having a guy loving you that much? How many of us do that every day? Don’t lie. You did do that every day. 

What Meyer did is simply take the fantasy that is on the mind of every girl (even if that girl has a boyfriend) and put it into a story. Of course, I would not disregard all the vampire/werewolf details, the volturi and what not. When I said I flipped through the book, I made sure that I get the gist of it. Still, the strong essence of the book is the love story. The twilight series is a love story. No more than that.

Bella always thinks less of herself and in the story she did get saved. Then she became extraordinary. Life is much more interesting than that. It’s not always you get saved before you become extraordinary. In many cases, that is not even how it happened. You need to save yourself, prince charming or no prince charming. Don’t wait for a prince charming to save you. On the other hand do not wait to save yourself before you go find your prince charming. Just take care of your own miracle. It’ll come.

I guess it is good every once in a while to fantasize. At least it will keep our hopes up. Make the bad days easier to deal with. But let’s keep it at that. People tend to let it hold them and when I said people, I meant me. I get influenced easily and when I did, it was too overwhelming. If you are like me, we know better when to fish and when to cut the bait. I think now is the time to cut the bait.

Good morning, and in case I don't see ya...

Have you ever felt like you are in a TV show and your whole life is being watched? If you watch the Truman Show, you might know what I am talking about. That is how I feel sometimes. Not feeling that the world is revolve around me nor I am the center of attention. But feel that the world sometimes cooperates with me. My prayers are being answered quite literally that it became scary at times.

That is sure hard to explain and I can imagine hard for you to understand too. Let me give you an example.

I had a bad morning. A bad one that comes once in every 4 months, that bad. As usual, I put on a happy face to work and sign in my gtalk and chatting happily. So, the people who I talked to could not possibly know that I had a bad morning at all. Other than the fact I already put on my happy face (although she cannot see me), the conversation that we had was not even in a close proximity of my feeling that morning. 

So, it startled me when suddenly, out of nowhere she said:

"jgn la sedih sangat bab xxx tu.. remember, God has our best interest in mind"

We wasn't even talking about that and when did talk about it yesterday, my tone was nothing but happy. The funny thing is I didnot realize that is why I was unhappy this morning. It was very surprising because as far as people around me are concern, I look happy. Noone should know, yet somebody does. How peculiar.

It is as if my life is a movie being directed when all other casts know what was going on except for me. As if, under the curtain, my Director told my actress friend to comfort me because that is what you are supposed to do when your friend is sad. 

Except of course I know that is not true. 

In a way, our lives are all being directed and the world that we are living in is the stage. It has one Director and the other casts who know what's going are indirectly involve in our lives. They are the crews, who each and everyone of them has a duty to fulfil. The closet to us are our greatest companions, writing our good and bad deeds on our back. One will visit us once the Director has decided to take us off the casts. There are more than millions of them.

So, I don't really know which one of them have whisphered what I was feeling to this friend of mine this morning nor do I know why they choose that particular person in the first place. 

Hmm.. angels do speak the same language, yes?

Do it my way

I was already doubting myself when I finally decided to submit the form, for these very solid reasons:

1. It was a 21.2 KM run. The longest I have walk/run non-stop in a day for my entire life was when I went to Taman Negara 2 years ago. That was less than 15 KM and it took us one day with many stops.

2. I rarely run, very very rare. I have always,always preferred brisk walk as a mode of exercising. I easily

 become short of breath with any kind of exercise, hence my preference.

3. I only train once, prior to the run, and that if jogging for one round with 5 walking breaks at Batu Burok jogging track can be considered as one.

4. I don't have anyone to go with. My brother was working that Saturday and none of my colleagues want to go, it was a waste of a good saturday morning sleep was what they said. Scout's honor.

Yet I submitted it anyway.

So, on Saturday morning at exactly 7.30 AM, I was on my feet, running, behind everyone else. I have my mp3 player on (when I say MP3 player, I mean my heavy and bulky handphone), minding my own business when everyone outran me. This is the route that we took.

1. Starting line was Taman Awam Batu Burok. Then we passed Primula Hotel, turning right to Batu Bersurat roundabout.

2. We took left from the roundabout and went down to the town center, the area of all financial institutions till the end of Jalan Sultan Ismail.

3. After Jalan Sultan Ismail, we took left to waterfront area and took another left at Balik Bukit, where it was a little hilly. We went down straight to TNB junctions.

4. We turned right at TNB junctions and climbed up the hill and went down straight to the

 State Library junctions, passing the JPJ junctions.

5. We turned right at the junction and went up the bridge (hence the name of the race), and went down at Pulau Duyong exit. That would be the middle checkpoint for the under 18 groups. Sadly for me, I have to continue for another 6 KM.

6. Down the bridge, we proceeded straight to Batu 6 roundabout, passing 2 traffic lights. The middle checkpoint for us would be the one at Batu 6 roundabout when we started turning back.

7. We went up the bridge and..................................

This is the point where I found that I could not walk anymore. My feet hurts, really bad. The sole of my feet to be exact. As far as the stamina goes, I know I have a litle left in me. I can still push myself to take another step. However, it's a totally different thing when every single step that you take, it felt like there is a sharp stone underneath your sole. At first, I pushed myself still, my mind was doing it's job quite successfully motivating my body to go on and absorb the pain. 

After a while though the pain was getting worse so I sat down on one of the big vase near the street on the bridge, massaging my feet. Several people went passed me, smiling awkwardly and I smiled back warmly, telling without words that I am okay and there's no need to stop the ambulance that has been patroling.

When I thought that it was okay, I stood up quickly only to find out that it had just gotten worse. Obviously letting it to rest was a bad idea, the swelling actually got bigger. So, I called my brother. Since I was on the bridge still and it was impossible for my brother to stop in the middle of the heavy traffic, I continued walking, more like limping this time, down the bridge to the jogging track near Bukit Besar and he was already there waiting. He dropped me off to my car at the finishing line and I walked with my brother's slipper on because he insisted I took his slipper when I told him I will be walking barefooted to my car. There is no way I am going to put that shoes back on.

That was three days ago and my leg hurts a little but the blisters are still there. I only told a few people about this run other than my family and if I did not say anything no one would never have to know that I did not finish the race. Yet I feel compelled to write about it. 

I just want to share this experience with everyone out there who is about to take on a new challenge and is still doubting. I was never an athlete. I skipped my PJ class all the time and I am not even living an active lifestyle. I did it anyway. I did it to challenge myself, to see if I have even the slightest potential to be an athlete. I found that I could not finish the race just yet. I am not giving up, I'll be training for next year.

The thing that fascinates about this whole experience is that I do not feel like a failure at all. If anything, I am proud of myself for even signing up. I finished 18 KM and that is something to me. That is the thing with taking risks. You will never know how it would be unless you take it. I thought I knew what running/walking for 21.1 KM feels like but I was wrong and I would not have known if I do not go through it. Life is all about taking risks. Never assume you know what's coming because unless you step in the water, you will never know what is going to hit you. Staying afloat or getting drowned, they are just relatives in lives. Either way, it will be something else and worth getting your feet wet.

I asked and He Answered

"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."

-Al-Qur'an, 2:216

It could have been worse and I am really seriously grateful. 

No one says that life is easy. It is hard enough and it become even more frustrating when you try to make sense the bad things that happen to you. Well, I do that all the time. I question, I try to reason and at the end of the day I would blame myself for not doing it differently. It became quite tiring after a while.

The thing is, after a while, when I looked back, I would see the point of why those things happen to me. Of course, while it happened, it would all seems bad and feels like I would never recover. Yet I did, and I always learn something new, and if anything, it would make me a little bit stronger than before. 

So my point is, we are merely human. Things will never make sense to us, at least not while it happened and there are still some things that do not make sense even if you try to reason it for years. I am still having problem accepting death and its consequences to the living. But we have to trust, trust that everything happens for a reason. Trust that whatever happened, it happened for our own good. Of course that is easier said than done but that is what I have to remind myself every single time. To trust. To have faith.

Fortunately, being a Muslim, I was taught to leave my fate (not entirely though, you still are required to do everything within your power) to the hand of the God. Being a mere human, I forgot, many times. Lucky for me, the answers always come whenever I need it. The truth is, the answer is always there if you look hard enough and trust that God really answer your prayers, one way or the other. 

I was feeling a little blue when I saw the translation of Ayat 216 from Surah Al-Baqarah on TV. Then it feels like a huge loads has been taken off me. Thank you.

Life is hard. It became harder when you fight it. Accept and trust that it would be okay. I know it's hard but I rather live in hope that things would be okay than living in regret that is full of what-ifs. The bad things, they are just pit stops in a long race. I don't plan to linger too long at one place because I got to finish the race.

We'll go from here

This is to A, for the many nights at Pantai Teluk Chempedak, defining, wondering, reasoning and endless worrying..

"So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them." 

-The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Let's take life one thing at a time. Enjoy life's little things. 

Hanging in there!

It has been a rough week, physically and emotionally speaking. I have been running here and there for the past 2 weeks and it is seriously exhausting. Emotionally speaking, I am fine now, really. I really appreciate all the pep talks, encouragement but I don't actually want to talk about it. Other people have suffered for worse tragedies, so mine is not really worth mentioning. It is just another episode and I am ready for the next one.

Drowning

who says seeing is believing?

some instincts just can't be trusted.. haishh

Aku tidak perlukan fantasi itu?

What a wise man says..

I was browsing through my Picasa 3 (which is an awesome free software from Google by the way) and stumbled upon this picture. I remember saving it from the web a few months back because I liked it so much and I wanted to share it with friends but it ended up not moving in my folder. I especially like Freedom and Slavery are Mental States and Each one has to Find His Peace From Within. Oh this one is excellent too, The Weak Can Never Forgive, Forgiveness is the Attribute of the Strong. Wow...

I have a hard time choosing my favorite. Then again, these must be somebody's favorite too since it was compiled to one picture. Oklah, semualah best!

Perfecting The Dance

In order to take a step forward,

I need to take 2 steps back,

waduh.. waduh..

Finally

I am too comfortable in my seat and it is not good. It's like a quicksand. The harder I tried to get out, the deeper I fall. I would love a fresh start but that would mean I need a new me. Or rather, an old me back. I need to be motivated. I need to see that something will happen in the future. 

So, here's the thing. I screwed up many things for these past few months. What I need to do for a fresh, clean start is that I need to clean up those messes that I made and God knows that it is not going to be easy. Before everything starts crumbling down, I need to get my act together. I need to face the consequences. So, it's going to be a "thick face" phase for me but I deserve that. I need to change desperately. 

It's a new beginning.. finally. Pray for me.

Recep Tayyip Erdogan

Whatever his intention would be, I aplaud him. Someone should speak up. Someone need to say it right to Peres' face. 

Recep Tayyip Erdogan, premier of Turkey, walks past Israeli 

President Shimon Peres, left, and U.N. Secretary-General Ban 

Ki-Moon as he abruptly leaves forum in Davos, Switzerland.

-Associated Press

A new beginning:Really?

Disclaimer [of The Previous Entry]: A moment of weaknes.. well sort of. I realized the consequence but several who knows the story told me to confront him. Out of [avoiding awkward moments] respect, I don't think I will. I was planning to delete the entry but decided not to since I want to acknowledge it. It's there. 

Anyways, haven't write for a while because I have something to tell but just can't find the words to say it. Mostly about how upset I am with what happens in Gaza and my major disappointment in Obama. Currently I am trying to help as much as I can in ways that is possible for me to do, which is very little. I hope I can do more. I talked to many people about this and many says that the only way that we can help is through donation. Of course that is the solution for their short term survival. What about their future? their kids especially? Honest to God, I can't bear thinking of what happens to the children. I can't help but think the trauma they will have to endure (if they survive) by seeing this tragedy. What will become of them? Although, like a good friend of mine pointed it out, the Israelies' armies are targeting the children on purpose. 

I am sure some of you have read this story in The Star, but I would still like to share it with you. 

Kids – victims of senseless war

REPORTING FROM GAZA
By SHAHANAAZ HABIB

GAZA CITY: It was past noon on Jan 7 when Khaled Hamad Abed Rabo noticed three Israeli tanks in front of his house.

One of the soldiers, who spoke Arabic, told the family to get out.

Holding a white flag, Khaled stepped outside with his mother, wife and their three daughters — Amal, two, Samar, four and Soad who just turned seven.

Ruined lives: Nabawiyah Abed Rabo and her children standing in front of what was once their home in Azbet Abed Rabo in Jabaliya. Children are often the victims of war.

“We saw two soldiers outside the tank eating chocolates and chips. They didn’t say anything to us so we just stood there. Then another soldier came out of his tank and started shooting the children,” said an incredulous Khaled yesterday when met outside his destroyed home in Azbet Abed Rabo in Jabaliya.

“He started with the youngest. He shot Amal first. She was standing next to me. I heard her scream and fall. When I picked Amal up, he shot Samar in the stomach and then Soad.”

Khaled said his wife was so shocked that she fainted, adding that the soldier shot his mother three times in the arm. He grabbed Amal, Samar, his mother and wife and ran into the house.

“I had to leave Soad outside because she was already dead.

“While this soldier was shooting, the other two soldiers who were eating chocolates and chips continued eating.”

A neighbour who worked with a clinic had an ambulance and tried to reach them when he heard Khaled’s children screaming.

But the Israeli soldiers shot at the ambulance, forcing the neighbour to retreat. Then, they crushed the ambulance with a tank.

Five minutes later, Amal died in Khaled’s arms.

The Khaled and his terror-stricken family stayed inside the house, but after two hours they felt it was too dangerous to stay.

So, Khaled and his brothers who live next door in the same apartment complex come out together and try to make it to safety.

“When we came out, the soldiers shot into the sky and ground to scare us but they allowed us to leave. One of my brothers carried Soad’s body and I carried Amal while another one of my brothers held Samar,” said Khaled.

“A few hundred metres away, we saw a donkey cart and its ow ner came to help us. But a soldier shot the driver and the donkey. Both of them died.”

Khaled said the family then walk 2.5km until they found a taxi to take them to hospital.

His mother is now recovering, his wife is still mentally traumatised; while Samar is totally paralysed and is being treated in a Belgium hospital.

When Khaled came back after the ceasefire, he found his house reduced to a pile of rubble. He hunted for photographs of his girls but found none.

So, he has been coming back every day since the ceasefire from 7am to 7pm to sit by his home “because my memories are here.”

“My children were always playing around, doing funny things and I can’t accept that they are gone,” he added.

“Soad — she was so clever. She was always coming in first in class and loved computers and the Internet. And Amal, she was so beautiful.”

Khaled said he feels a huge pain in his heart over the loss.

He has no idea why the soldier shot the kids instead of him.

“I did not expect anyone to do such things to kids. Not even in a scary movie,” he said.

When Israel attacked Gaza on Dec 27, Khaled did not evacuate his home because he had been down that road before.

He said in March last year, Israeli tanks had rolled in with 400 soldiers who made his home their hotel for four days.

“They left the house in a mess but they did not kill anyone then,” he said.

Now, he says, he is not sure if he will even rebuild his home because “whom do I build it for? Israel took my family and my home.”

Asked whether he was afraid of Israel now after what they had done, Khaled replied: “When I had a family and my daughters, I was afraid. Now that they have killed my family, I have nothing to fear.”

Khaled, who has worked in Israel, says he likes Israelis in general and is not angry with the people over what has happened.

“I am angry with the Israeli army. I want Israeli citizens to get out of their homes and ask the army what they did and why they did it,” he said.

 

A new day.. A new beginning

It's been a while since I last checked my blog. Of course, TM is to be blamed though I do seriously think it has something to do with the election. It took 2 weeks for them to fix it and it started a while before "penamaan calon" and they fixed it just today, one day after the election. However, we (my brother and I) can't find any other ulterior motives other than the policemen stole our cable. I've yet to rule that out.

Other than that, life is pretty boring. I dropped my handphone the other day. It was its 101th falls and this time it doesn't even broke to pieces and I guess it has make its peace. My phone has retired and although I'm still in mourning period, I appreciate if you guys can give me suggestions on the models for PDA phones. Also, on that note, I don't have any of your numbers. I am using my sister's old phone right now. Fuh..fuh very depressing issue.. moving on......

I hate office politics. I really should have learn to deal with it by now but I am still pretty much clueless. I don't suck up to people though my training consultant would correct me by saying that being nice to your boss doesn't mean that you are sucking up. Nevertheless, I can't do that. I'm used to show people (especially the one who I don't care about) what I really feel about them. So, if I'm nice to you then I honestly am being nice to you. Unless, you are someone that I care about. That is a different story. I care/love you too much to not pretend and hurt you. 

Everyone else, I will be nice to you if you are nice to me. I seriously and seriously don't care if you are my boss or not. I would respect you as long as you respect me by being a good boss. Else, I would definitely be a pain in your neck. Of course, I am talking about a particular someone who won't be happy until he makes my life miserable. The thing is, I never really care about him and I tried oh so hard to make him happy and being extremely nice to him against my better judgement. I even ignore the facts that I know about him that could possibly destroy him, just so that he would leave me alone with my life. A person can only have so much patience and mine is running thin. We'll see.

Other than that, life is pretty much a peach pie. Looks good, smells good and tastes dang good. 

It's 12.52 AM and I'm not really thinking straight.