Thursday, November 30, 2006

Where do women sit?

I went to a company training 2 days ago. The training started on Monday (27/11/2006) and ended on Tuesday (28/11/2006). The training was fun. The topics covered are the typical topics for a merging company. However, what made it really interesting is the trainer. She has a very appealing personality. Even from the start, she has revealed her age to the class, 48 years old and she also mentioned that she just got married. Being a Malay woman, living in a Malaysian community, I am impressed that she can proudly tell us that this is the age she targeted to get married. She waited for HER perfect guy and she wasn’t in any rush to get married. She found him in her forties and now they get married, and there’s nothing wrong about it. However, the society often blame the women who chose not to get married, or chose to get married late.

Being a woman in this community, I often feel oblige to get married early so that my family and I wouldn’t be the gossip of the neighborhood. Thank goodness, my mother never really put a pressure on me. An even if she started saying something about it, I know it’s because people have been talking or asking about it and I feel badly for her. I tried to explain to her that I’m not ready to get married yet. But she say I’m too picky. I’m not!

Even if I am picky, what is so wrong in that? Why do guys are allowed being picky and girls are not allowed to. Mothers, older women, relatives, and colleagues often said to me (and I’m sure a lot of other people experience this as well): “Jaga badan tu sikit, nanti tak ada orang nak kawin dengan awak baru tahu”. That pisses me off. I would understand if people ask me to do it for my health but to please guys? Why do guys get to be picky and want to choose the 40,26,36 type and we can’t do that. I’m not saying all guys are like that. In fact a lot of guys nowadays are looking for something else other than looks. But the way society shape the girls is as if we have to be perfect so that they can line us up to be picked up by guys. And if we are not the way the want us to be, we cannot be listed as eligible bachelorette.

And this is only one of the issues that women have to deal with. The career-driven women don’t have too much luck as well. We always have to take the extra mile to get us noticed. And not-so-good-looking girls have to take another extra steps to get people to hear them. I’m disappointed that in the modern society people still discriminate against women. In Islam, women are given a high place. But in the society, where do we really sit?

If you want to read more on women in islam, kindly visit this site:

Mu'aawiyah Ibne Juhaymah (r) relates: My father, Juhaymah radhiyallahu anhu, went to the Apostle of Allah (pbuh) and said, 'I intend to go on Jihaad and have come to seek your advice.' The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam asked him, "Is your mother alive?' 'Yes' he replied. 'Then stay with her and look after her needs. Your Heaven lies under her feet" said the Prophet (pbuh).'

Abu Hurairah reported that a man came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and asked: "O Messenger of Allah, who is the person who has the greatest right on me with regards to kindness and attention?" He replied, "Your mother." "Then who?" He replied, "Your mother." "Then who?" He replied, "Your mother." "Then who?" He replied, "Your father."