Thursday, December 28, 2006

Do you have one day when you wake up, you just feel sad. For no apparent reason, your life just flashes in front of you. All the trivial things that you think have never bothered you suddenly do?

Where you suddenly think your life has no purpose? Where you are frustrated with the people around you? Where you think you are not being appreciated enough? Where you think your existent doesn’t make a difference in the world? Where you think you don’t do enough? Don’t get enough? Not pretty enough? Smart enough? Rich enough? Love enough? Well, for me, today is the day.

Could be hormones or dreams that I had last night that I don’t remember, God knows what had caused it. What I know is I control my own emotions. I will decide how I will live my day, and today is a beautiful day. C’est la vie!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Yani & Bird, New Orleans -Spring 2005

I'd like to dedicate this entry to my bestfriend and confidante, Yanie who is celebrating her 5th year anniversary with also my highschool friend, bird..

I was there when they first met and their relationship now is just as strong as 5 years ago, if not stronger. I wish them a lifetime of happiness and may Allah bless them.


Monday, December 18, 2006

It's not Love....

It’s not love
When he buys you flowers
For your endless tears

It’s not love
When he cries his love
On your exhausted body

It’s not love
When he apologizes
After a night of beating

It’s not love
When his jealousy
Imprisoned you friendless

Stop convincing yourself
The beating won’t stop
The tears will keep on rolling
The jealousy will intensify

Speak up
Somebody’s listening

Somebody’s waiting

"Isteri bukannya hak milik, tapi anugerah".....
-Dato' Rahim Razali, Cinta..

This poem goes out to all the women in the world. Either they have been in an abusive relationship, or they think they are in one. Also a precaution to those who think they are safe..

One thing with love, it's unpredictable. You might say that you would never fall in love with a man like that but once you fall in love, it blinds you. That is why it is a struggle for these women to leave the relationship because of the love that they have to these men bind them to the relationships.

To these women who have walked out, congratulations! God knows how courageous you are.. For the ones who are still struggling, seek help.. Sometimes you need a helping hand to drag you out and a pair of extra eyes to show you the true meaning of love..

Friday, December 08, 2006


To be trapped
In that gaze
In that moment
In that silence
In that heartbeat

In that heartbeat
The world is turning faster than ever
Nights and day conflicting
What real seems unreal
What’s unreal seems possible

In that heartbeat
The world stops
Night and day compromise
Reality intrudes
Dream shatters

Can you hear my heart is breaking?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Sun Tzu, The Art of War

I've always wanted to read Sun Tzu, The Art of War but never have the chance. The closest that I've read is "Thick Face, Black Heart" by Ching Ning Chu. The book was not a review of "The Art of War" but was influenced by it. Anyways, for those who doesn't know, this book actual focus is on military strategy. It was written during the 6th century BC and it had a huge influence on Eastern military planning, business tactics and even more. It also had influenced many famous leaders and war strategies, such as Napoleon and the planning of operation Desert Storm.

Today, this book has been applied to business and managerial tactics.. To read more about the background of the author and the book, you can google it on the internet. There are hundreds of sites dedicated to this book.

Here's an excerpt of the book...

Chapter Twelve: Fire Attacks

If it is not advantageous, do not move;
if there is no gain, do not use troops;
if there is no danger, do not do battle.
The ruler may not move his army out of anger;
the general may not do battle out of wrath.
If it is advantageous, move;
if it is not advantageous, stop.
Those angry will be happy again, and those wrathful will be cheerful again, but a destroyed nation cannot exist again, the dead cannot be brought back to life.

Therefore, the enlightened ruler is prudent, the good general is cautious.
This is the Way of securing the nation, and preserving the army.


Friday, December 01, 2006


you are there
accompanying my darkest night

you are the angel's lullaby
soothering my wavering heart

You give me strength
in my weakest state

you give me promise
when all I have is despair

in the busiest metropolitan you found me
in the smallest of town you greet me

in the cricket's cricking song you hum with me

in you,I found peace
in you,I found answer

in you,I found hope

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Where do women sit?

I went to a company training 2 days ago. The training started on Monday (27/11/2006) and ended on Tuesday (28/11/2006). The training was fun. The topics covered are the typical topics for a merging company. However, what made it really interesting is the trainer. She has a very appealing personality. Even from the start, she has revealed her age to the class, 48 years old and she also mentioned that she just got married. Being a Malay woman, living in a Malaysian community, I am impressed that she can proudly tell us that this is the age she targeted to get married. She waited for HER perfect guy and she wasn’t in any rush to get married. She found him in her forties and now they get married, and there’s nothing wrong about it. However, the society often blame the women who chose not to get married, or chose to get married late.

Being a woman in this community, I often feel oblige to get married early so that my family and I wouldn’t be the gossip of the neighborhood. Thank goodness, my mother never really put a pressure on me. An even if she started saying something about it, I know it’s because people have been talking or asking about it and I feel badly for her. I tried to explain to her that I’m not ready to get married yet. But she say I’m too picky. I’m not!

Even if I am picky, what is so wrong in that? Why do guys are allowed being picky and girls are not allowed to. Mothers, older women, relatives, and colleagues often said to me (and I’m sure a lot of other people experience this as well): “Jaga badan tu sikit, nanti tak ada orang nak kawin dengan awak baru tahu”. That pisses me off. I would understand if people ask me to do it for my health but to please guys? Why do guys get to be picky and want to choose the 40,26,36 type and we can’t do that. I’m not saying all guys are like that. In fact a lot of guys nowadays are looking for something else other than looks. But the way society shape the girls is as if we have to be perfect so that they can line us up to be picked up by guys. And if we are not the way the want us to be, we cannot be listed as eligible bachelorette.

And this is only one of the issues that women have to deal with. The career-driven women don’t have too much luck as well. We always have to take the extra mile to get us noticed. And not-so-good-looking girls have to take another extra steps to get people to hear them. I’m disappointed that in the modern society people still discriminate against women. In Islam, women are given a high place. But in the society, where do we really sit?

If you want to read more on women in islam, kindly visit this site:

Mu'aawiyah Ibne Juhaymah (r) relates: My father, Juhaymah radhiyallahu anhu, went to the Apostle of Allah (pbuh) and said, 'I intend to go on Jihaad and have come to seek your advice.' The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam asked him, "Is your mother alive?' 'Yes' he replied. 'Then stay with her and look after her needs. Your Heaven lies under her feet" said the Prophet (pbuh).'

Abu Hurairah reported that a man came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and asked: "O Messenger of Allah, who is the person who has the greatest right on me with regards to kindness and attention?" He replied, "Your mother." "Then who?" He replied, "Your mother." "Then who?" He replied, "Your mother." "Then who?" He replied, "Your father."

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

What is it that even time cannot erase?

I’m listening to "My Immortal" by Evanescence and the words that keeps on playing in my head is that “there’s too much that time cannot erase”..

I told my colleague (from my part time job masa study dolu2) 2 years ago that I could never get over a death, especially the death of the loved ones. I told him that no matter how long will it take, the pain would not falter, would not decrease. Even if I tried to get over it, I would not be able to. Then, he told me that it’s not about getting over but it's more on how you deal with it. At the time, I don’t really get what he’s trying to tell me. To me, same difference la kan..

But, as time passes by, I started to understand his words. I think, what he’s telling me is that I need to learn to deal with death (duhh..). I need to understand that sadness/ pain is only a part of the process. It hurts (it suppose to), which is why we need to give ourselves some grieving time. But try not to take too long. As I grew up, I realized that no unfortunate events last forever, no matter how bad thing has become, it will soon be okay. And of course, “Everything happens for a reason”, no matter how cliché it is, it’s proven to be true. Sometimes we won’t even recognize it at the time. But when it’s over, we looked back, we realized how everything is connected to make our life the way it should be…

Anyways, someone emailed me this sometimes ago.. you might have received it before but I’d just like to share it again:

People come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a needyou have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty,to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically,emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are!They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without anywrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person willsay or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes theydie. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you totake a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, ourdesire fulfilled, their work is done.The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has cometo share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or makeyou laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. Theyusually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
LIFETIME relationships teach you life time lessons: things you mustbuild upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is toaccept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to usein all other relationships and areas of your life. Love is blind, butfriendship is clairvoyant.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"never miss anyone from your past, because
there is a reason they didn't make it to your future"

Another merapu entry from me……………………

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

First Entry

Okay, so.. this is my second attempt of blogging.. My first attemp lasted for about one hour and then I ran out of things to say.. which is really weird for me because if you know me personally, I can never stop talking.. nevertheless, I'm gonna try it one more time, and crosing my fingers, hopefully it will be better this time..

my.. it is such a hassle of registering this blog.. not that the steps are difficult.. they are really simple.. but choosing a blog name is really tiring.. i tried to find something that people can remember, unique but it seems like nothing is unique anymore.. seems like everything has been taken.. I tried to find something clever, to make me look more 'educated' but i guess I overestimated my vocab.. I don't have anything clever.. then I tried to find something different like syah's choosing a drink name as his blog name, and i was thinking of "neslo ais" but it is much too familiar with his.. so, i've been sitting in front of my pc for God knows how long just to find an interesting and available name for my second blog. Then, I remembered Steve Jobs' speech where he mentioned something about a dogma. Of course dogma is not available but I googled the word and it has a link to this new word for me "anythingarian".

According to Answers.Com, anythingarian means "One who holds to no particular creed or dogma". I'm always opposed to the concept of Dogma, but Anythingarian still doesn't apply to me.. because I do hold to a particular creed.. I have a belief.. whether or not I practice it the way I should is out of question, but the belief is there.. I have faith.. and I just want to make it clear here if you might wonder.. heh.. not that I expect many people to read this.. still, this is quite an interesting issue, ain't it?

So, people.. here's my first entry.. I'm looking forward for more.. oh and this is raya's eve.. so Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!!!