Magic is might?

Which one comes first, The phoenix or the flame? According to Luna Lovegood, the answer is the circle has no beginning. Well reasoned, but it is not exactly an answer.

A while ago, when I first moved back to Terengganu and did not have a car, I took a cab to my client's place. The driver became quite chatty when he found out that the person that I would be meeting was someone he knew. He was quite smart. He used to work with the government until he retired. I remember that the conversation somehow ended up where I was whining about this one building, in the center of the city that has not been open until now. The construction started at 1997 but was ceased when PAS took over in 1999. The rumors was that the funding of the project was stopped because the federal government wanted that it seems as if with PAS ruling the states, there would be no development. I have no idea if that's true but I wouldn't put it past them. 

When BN took over, the construction has been continued and finished sometime in 2001 if I'm not mistaken. It is 2008 now and it is still not being opened. I was told that they couldn't open it because the building cannot get a CF (Certificate of Fitness) due to the faulty design. The funny thing is, McDonald restaurant was allowed to be opened inside the building. 

Anyway, back to my story. I was whining about that when the pakcik told me that it wouldn't even make a difference. He told me that what we lack of is the purchasing power. He said that even if that place is open, there would be no buyer since most of the people who work in Terengganu are either working with the government, teachers or at the bank. At the time, I just nodded faithfully. It make sense to me. That was February 2007.

It is almost 2 years now and I have learned a thing or two more about politics, economy, and a few other unimportant stuffs. I learned that he was right about the purchasing power but I also learned that the purchasing power doesn't just happen by itself. You have to create it. Creating purchasing power is of course making sure that the employment rate is up. One thing to do that is to let that said building to be filled with stores where people would be employed. 

It's kinda like that flame and the phoenix. You don't want to build a store without buyers. At the same time, there would be no buyer if there's no money, hence job opportunites at the store. Which one comes first? How do we create purchasing power? Who would play the role? Actually Datuk Ahmad Said is the one who have to answer it. His job depended on it. The employment rate has to be up or the development of the state would slow down. I would like to know his strategies in making sure everyone in Terengganu has a job. 

He is afterall the Dumbledore of my Hogwarts, so let's see some magic!

A confession of an acrophobic

He smiled at me urgingly. I can feel my palms starting to sweat. The sun is glaring down on me in this mid-afternoon. For the hundredth time, I glance at the back and see the line behind me is getting longer. Everyone seems eager and impatient. I lean to him and whisper.

"Can I still drop out?

He leans back to me, his aftershave smells of fresh rain.

"It's your choice. But I really hope you won't"

There's a smile in his voice. I look up to him and there's definitely a smile lurking at the corner of his lips. That same boyish smile that make sign up in the first place. I wish he works at a laundry store rather than at this dangerous-I-would-die sports place. Is bungee jumping can even be considered a sport? Did I mention that I am acrophobic?

"I'll be with you" He nodded a few times, still smiling reassuringly.

"Let's jump" I said firmly.. err.. well, sort of.

"Are you sure? He suddenly seems hesitant.

"Ask me again and I'll drop out" I shot him a warning look.

"Allrighty, Rose. You jump, I jump" He smiled teasingly and before I could give a clever retort, I felt a gentle nudge on my back and.................. I'm flyyyingggg...

I felt the adrenaline rush in my head as my body shooting down. Suddenly I can see how blue the sky is. I can smell the scent of the earth. I can hear the birds are singing. Suddenly my conscience is clear and a new strength comes over me.

"How do you like it!? I heard him yell and I suddenly remember that our feet is dangling together, upside down. We are bouncing up and down.

My conscience is clear.

"I love you!! We bounce up.

"Excuse me? He yelled back. Obviously my confession was lost in the air. We bounce down.

"I SAID I LOVE YOU!!! 

And the bouncing stop. He look stunned. Oh ow..

"My wife is the lady at the ticket counter"

Oh crap..

BLOG AWARD??

My sister gave me an award!! haha.. well, she told me that one of the reasons she gave me this because she didn't want to choose between her friends and give it to family. I have received it for quite a while and she have been reminding me. Not that I don't want to do it, but I have the same problem as hers. I want to give it to all my friends but of course it would be more than 5. She said I have another option, which is not to give it to anyone. I don't think I want to do that and I guess I'll have to choose:

Here are the rules

• Perlu dibagi pada orang yang dirasa BEST GILA-GILA
• Hanya terhad kepada 5 orang sahaja
• Sesiapa dapat anugerah ini diwajibkan buat posting kat blog masing-masing.

These are the blogs that I religiously follow these days:

1. Whiteblackwhocares - I love her articles but mostly I love her poems. 

2. Crummy letters - Lots of photos!!! of course her writing isn't bad also.. =)

3. Asrif - Very funny guy. Sangat menghiburkan.. haha

4. Alles - She writes about her and people around her.. It feels familiar..  

5. Sweetylemon - scandalous and funny.. quite a rare combination..

Like I said, these are the blogs that I always follow. I like Syah's too, he's pretty deep, WHEN he's writing.. And Lina Ideris' too, except that many of her writings are of her friends and life in manchester.. so I always quite lost.. hehe.. Fadhil rarely updates her blog anymore since she moved back to Malaysia.. 

Although I did give reasons on why I love those blogs, the truth is I like reading all of my friends' blogs for one simple reason. I like to know what is happening in their life and reading their blogs pretty much help me with that.

English or mother-tongue?

I was waiting for my boss in the lobby when I saw today's The Star. One of the titles that grabbed my attention was the one about the debate whether Math and Science should be taught in English or in the mother tongue. The Star reported that before the final roundtable meeting yesterday, seven proposals were put as follows:

>       Stick to Mathematics and Science in English;

>        Revert to Bahasa Malaysia;

>        Let primary schools teach both subjects in the mother tongue and secondary schools use English;

>        Let primary schools decide for themselves;

>        Mathematics and Science be taught in Bahasa Malaysia and mother tongue for Years One to Three and in English from Year Four onwards;

>        A combination of mother tongue in the first three years and a choice of mother tongue or English after that; and

>        The two subjects will not be taught in Years One to Three and instead be integrated into other subjects.

I remember that this issue has been debated for years and the concurrences and objections were equally voiced. Both parties have good intentions and both were fairly argued. 

As for me, I do understand the importance of our mother tongue. I do honor my own language and would love if it is being widely used. I also understand that it is a lot easier to learn in your first language. Europian countries such as Germany proved that they are equally good as the English spoken countries especially in automotive engineering. Japan is another close example that honor their own language and is still able to be one of the countries with the most advanced technology. Many uses these two examples in proving that it would be a lot better to use our own language. I can understand that and I would want to do the same too. Just not now.

One of the reasons is that many science books were written in English or other languages. Even if math and science were being taught in the mother tongue language in school, they would still have to study in English when they went to college. Should they have learned the terms before hand, it would lessen the struggle of learning in college. Another issue that might be brought up is that those science books should be translated into mother tongue language. 

While I agree to that, I also know that it cannot be done immediately. Although, that plan should MUST be discussed now and milestone should be constructed. Many issues would be addressed in this process. For instance, Malay language does not have as many verbs. What we have been doing lately are transforming English verbs to Malay by changing one to two letters. Introducing totally new verbs would be quite confusing. However, if it were being used widely, it will settle in gradually. Translating books are not necessarily only from English books. I know that there are many great books in other languages such as French, Dutch, Arab and evenmore. I also know there are many translators out there like my friends Syu (French, Arab, Spanish?), Ainur(French) and Fadhil(German) but these talents are not being utilized. 

What make it more disappointing is that these people that I know and the many more that I do not know are yearned to be given a chance to help. Give them a platform to generate ideas and to contribute. You would be surprised how talented these people are. If Facebook, Friendster, Wiki and Google can be translated into Malay, why not books? Educational books, specifically.

In conclusion, I agree that we would learn/understand better in our mother tongue language but I also agree that the teaching of math and science in English should be continued at least for another three years. I wish that our education ministry would set up a project dedicated to translating informations into mother tongue and another project of studying and doing analysis on Malay language on every level, from its origins to what would be the best way of introducing new verbs. I vote for Ungku Aziz for the advisor. Should this projects are initiated, I would be the first in line. 

When Reality Intrudes

So much has been going on lately. I can't say much. In fact, I don't say much. Some wonderful news. Some not so much. Some even very confusing. If you think I am talking about you, just know that I'm not. For all these recent events, I can't help thinking that we really don't know people as much as we thought we did. Even when we thought we know it all, they will still surprise us. With that being said, I don't judge you. In fact, I can't. I have done enought doubtful things. I have my own reasons, I trust you have yours too. Just know that, whatever that you do today, will come back haunting you one day. There are many things that time could not mend. No skeleton can stay in the closet for too long. 

Mine is forcing its way out. 

The truth is, we are all alone in this world. People only knows us as much as we let them to. Underneath it all, it was a rather lonely road.

Books and Elly?

I am so excited! I bought three new books yesterday. 

1. Religion under siege? Lina Joy, the Islamic State and Freedom of Faith by a pool of authors.

2. Khalid Memburu Syahid by Abdul Latip Talib

3. The girl with the dragon tattoo by Stieg Larson

I usually try to restrain myself from buying more than 2 books everytime I went to a bookstore. But I love those titles. I was having troubles in choosing Khalid Memburu Syahid or Hikayat Amir Hamzah (part 1) and decided to take the former one since I have been in love with Khalid Al-Walid since I was a kid. 

Since all the books were wrapped in plastic cover, I can only read the synopsis at the back. So, when I got home, I unwrapped all three books and started going through them. I have to say that I am a little disappointed.

I started with "Khalid Memburu Syahid", naturally. I thought that it would be some sort of a biography of Khalid Al-Walid but it turned out that it is a novel with many dialogues. It is a little boring and I ended up reading his biography on the net.

I went for "Religion Under Siege? Lina Joy, The Islamic State and Freedom of Faith" written by Nathaniel Tan & John Lee. Or at least that is what I thought I saw on the cover. Turned out that the book was edited by them. The authors are many. The book is a collection of blog entries that discussed that issue. Major disappointment. I can simply read them on the net. Besides, I am quite sure that I have actually read most of it. 

Last but definitely not the least, I opened "The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo". I have only read the first 5 pages and I am already impressed. This is going to be an exciting read. I just know it. It was originally written by Stieg Larsson in Swedish but was translated to English by Reg Keeland. 

John Burdett, one of the reviewer, reviewed the book as a "Tolstoyan re-invention of the 'closed room' murder mystery, Agatha Christie for adults.. It's also a profound investigation into tribal violence in the world of high finance, and a revelation of the dark side of a country normally seen as the very height of priopriety.." Now, now, doesn't that sound interesting?

Like I said, I have only read the first 5 pages but I am very looking forward to finish it. Unfortunately, I know it's going to take sometimes since I'm pretty occupied these days. It's going to stay in my handbag for quite sometimes. 

On another note, Elly is getting married this January, yay!! Sheila wrote a touching letter to Elly in her latest entry. I wish I can do the same but I don't really know what to say except that I am so happy for her. She is a wonderful person, a great friend and is going to be a lovely wife. Any man is considered lucky to have her. Elly, Congratulations and I wish you a lifetime of happiness. You deserve it.

Shooing the butterflies

It has been a while since I feel this nervous..

May Allah make it easier..

I long for Friday..

There are butterflies all around..

I wish I can skip Thursday. 

Syu, I tried.

A Thousand Splendid Suns

Khaled Hosseini did wonders, yet again. After Syu introduced me to his first book, The Kite Runner, I fell in love instantly. It was by far (at the time) one of the best fictions I have ever read. It is hard for me to re-read the book because everytime I opened the book, I was drowned in Amir's guilt and it hurts so much that it makes me nauseous. Seriously. There is a little of Afghanistan culture mentioned, since the story was set in Kabul. Still, the story is mostly about making amends.

When I saw his second book, A Thousand Splendid Suns, on the top shelf in Popular Bookstore in Mesra Mall, I was very skeptical. It is very common that many authors did their best job in their first book but fails to do the same in the second. There I was, in the bookstore, holding the book feeling skeptical despite the many good reviews and compliments on the cover. I bought it still. I mean, it maybe not as good as the first one but it couldn't be that bad, isn't it?

Oh, how wrong I was. A Thousand Splendid Suns is every emotion put into one story. It was incredible, an amazing read. Two women, two generations, both were brought up differently, brought together by fate. Mariam, who forever let people choose for her, found herself making decision when she meets Laila. Laila, whose dreams shatters at a sound of a whistle and is now forced to abide to other's decision. 

From Herat to Kabul, my heart jumps and stops in every twist of events. I wept at little Mariam's despair and I smiled at Laila's love story. I cringed at Rasheed's name and hoped at Tariq's. Taliban, Afghanistan, war, love, hate, despair, all blend together in this gripping story.

I guess women would connect more to this book because in this life, you are either a Mariam or a Laila. Given that situation, who would you become? There's nothing wrong with either because both are brave in their own way. As for me, I am more drawn to Mariam's character. Not that I can relate to her. In fact on the contrary. Mariam is everything that I am not. It would require a different level of bravery when you voluntarily walk to your own death for other people's sake. 

All in all, I love this book. Khaled Hosseini mentioned that the title was a part of a 17th century poem called Kabul by a Persian poet Saib-e-Tabrizi. It was translated into English by Josphine Davis. Although, it is not a literal translation, but it has been generally accepted. 

Kabul Ah! How beautiful is Kabul encircled by her arid mountains
And Rose, of the trails of thorns she envies
Her gusts of powdered soil, slightly sting my eyes
But I love her, for knowing and loving are born of this same dust
My song exhalts her dazzling tulips
And at the beauty of her trees, I blush
How sparkling the water flows from Pul-I Bastaan!
May Allah protect such beauty from the evil eye of man!
Khizr chose the path to Kabul in order to reach Paradise
For her mountains brought him close to the delights of heaven
From the fort with sprawling walls, A Dragon of protection
Each stone is there more precious than the treasure of Shayagan
Every street of Kabul is enthralling to the eye
Through the bazaars, caravans of Egypt pass
One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs
And the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls
Her laughter of mornings has the gaiety of flowers
Her nights of darkness, the reflections of lustrous hair
Her melodious nightingales, with passion sing their songs
Ardent tunes, as leaves enflamed, cascading from their throats
And I, I sing in the gardens of Jahanara, of Sharbara
And even the trumpets of heaven envy their green pastures

Tak Puas Hati

Hehe due to the response (2 je respons sebenarnya) of my wallet size, I decided to clear things up. Hence, the picture of my wallet. It is not big.


See the pen, the book and the receipts?

It's no bigger than any other lady's, certainly just a tad bigger than the standard size stapler.



And definitely not 6"



Hehe.. so my babes Sheila and Ainur, it is not a big wallet. Stained though, hehe. Really need to get a new one. Ana, if you are reading this, any chance you can buy me one (like this preferably) dekat outlet kat sana?

p/s I am certainly bored to death. Ergo, taking the pictures of my own wallet..

Got tagged..

By Lina Ideris

5 things in my bag

1. Wallet
   
2. Handphone
   
3. Keys - House, car
   
4. Vitamins
5. Passport

5 things in my wallet

1. Cash
2. All kind of cards (debit, credit, Insurance, ID, License, Stores, Members)
   
3. Ballpoint pen
   
4. ASB Book
   
5. Receipts and vouchers
   

5 favourite things in bedroom

1. Bed
   
2. Laptop
3. Pillows
   
4. Make ups
   
5. Books and books and books and books
   

5 things I want to do

1. Have my own business and enjoy every drop of sweats.
   
2. To learn whatever I feel like learning i.e dances, horseback riding, French, learn how machine works, study culture, DBMS, scriptwriting, photography and the list goes on. The world is a rich place and I am a hungry traveler.
   
3. To get married and have lots of children who will be contributing in making the world a better place and jihad in their own way, be it a doctor, a teacher, a businessman. Insyaallah.
   
4. Travel the world and especially make long, frequent stops for hajj in Mecca.
   
5. To make my own movie.
   

5 things I frequently do

1. Read
2. Watch TV
   
3. Cook and eat
4. Surfing the net
   
5. Talking to my friends.
   

Past Mistakes

Dwells in the dark
far back corner
slowly lurking into sight
waiting anxiously to come out
and say ah ha!

Sit still.
I am shoving you back.
Let me be happy.

Our Story

 I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are.

 It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end.

 Because how could the end be happy?

How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? 

But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. 

Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now.

Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?

That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for.

                                                                          ~Frodo Baggins & Samwise Gamgee, LOTR

No one can put it better than the wise Samwise Gangee. Although this is not my word, I want to give it a tribute to you: who stays with me through the darkness, to you: who wanders in the fog long enough, to you: whose faith is slowly fading, to you: who are looking for answers..

That is what I am holding on and should you too. This shadow, it’s only a passing thing.. only a passing thing.. The sun shall shine, soon..

This will be our story..

Bah Merah

Whenever I'm in my car, driving, alone, I think. A lot. About everything. I have a lot of thoughts too. About everything. I keep on reminding myself to blog it. No matter how petty it is. Or how insignificant it is. The thing is that, whenever I am in front of my computer, all my thoughts fly away, and left me sitting motionless in my chair. Thank God my favorite cousin (mind you, all my cousins are my favs =P), Yie, tagged me. At least there is something for me to update. This is what I am supposed to do (this sounds rather familiar actually).

* Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog. * Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird. * Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs. * Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

• First rule... checked
• Second rule...weird and random huh?
  

1. I dance to my own rhythm a.k.a I seriously don't know how to dance
2. For this year alone, I've read and reread Harry Potter series for more than 10 times.
3. I like traditional songs, not classic like "Tudung Periuk" but traditional like "Cindai"
4. I like my foods and drinks at room temperature.
   
5. I never win a lucky draw ever in my whole life.
6. I think that my luck for lucky draw has been transferred to being lucky when finding a parking space in the mall/office. Always found it, front row.
7. I can't sew a straight line if my life depended on it. My last attempt on sewing was trying to sew beads on my blue baju kurung sleeves. I ended up messing it so bad that the sleeves are all cutted out/up and the baju kurung ended up in my thrash can. It is that bad.
   

• Third rule... I think I've tagged my friends before on this and I don't know many bloggers, so I'm gonna pass
• Fourth rule... irrelevant

On another note, I went to visit my grandmother the other day. She suddenly fall sick and can barely talk. When I was there, her eldest sister was there too, we called her Tok Long.

Tok Long is a very cute old lady. She's petite like my grandmother but she looks a lot stronger. She walks around on her own (without a walking stick) and full of energy might I add. Her voice is loud and clear and she remembers everything. Amazed at the old lady, my brother and I asked her, her age. She told us that she is 86 years old. My grandmother though interrupted her by saying that she is only 81 years old since she was only 2 years older than my grandmother. They bickered for a second until both agree that they don't know for sure their birthdate. They also agree that they are 2 years apart and Tok Long was 2 years old when "bah besar" hits Terengganu. Puzzled with the term, my brother and I asked them about it. What they can tell us is just that there is a huge flood in Terengganu back then that was called 'Bah Besar' & 'Bah Merah'. Neither can tell us the year when it happens.

I did a little googling on the subject when I got back to my house. Yes, there is a 'Bah Besar' back then, 1926 to be exact. The flood is also called by another name, "Bah Merah". Mainly because the water is all muddy and also because it took many lives and destroyed many houses and plants. The flood did not only affected Terengganu, but many other states in Malaysia. Since then, Malaysia was hit with big flood every 40 years. The latest was the one that hit Johor on 2007. There is no documented evidence on any flood previously to 1926. It is however being speculated that there is a big flood sometimes in 1888s.

After a little calculation and some deductive reasoning, my brother and I both agreed that Tok Long was born around 1923, which makes her 85 to 86 years old. She does actually remembers everything!

Lagi-lagi Hari Raya?

This Hari Raya eve marked a 2 years anniversary to my blog, Hijri Calendar of course. Who knows after 2 years, this blog is still up and running. Although, like Sarimah said many times, update sebulan sekali, it still is being updated every now and then. =)

How was your Hari Raya?

Mine was a little tiring this year not that it's not fun. On the first day of Raya, we left for my grandparent house a little after 12.00PM. We usually left right after Raya's prayer but this year my brother bought a new camera and all of us were taking our sweet times posing for pictures. I guess after 2 years of no proper camera (we only have handphone camera before), we became a little obsessed with taking pictures. The thing is, no one can sit still for that few minutes. There will always be someone who would break and laugh.


We don't really have anything to eat at home except for Nasi Himpit, Kuah Kacang and Rendang Daging. We usually have Lemang and Ketupat but it seems this year, everyone that I knew who sell these Raya meals were not taking any orders anymore. Oh well. Thank God for Nasi Dagang at my grandparent house. I am not a big fan of Nasi Dagang, but I guess empty stomach + festive(y?) feeling clean my plate. Around 4.00 PM we left for another grandparent house (my late father's side). They have always celebrated Hari Raya in Kuala Lumpur with my aunties, Ciksu and Auntie (Saba) since Chik (my grandma) stays with them.

This year however, they decided to come home and I was ecstatic to be spending Hari Raya with them. Their house is where I grew up and having to leave the house for quite a while, the house looks very old. It was a little sad being there.


We left Chik's house at 6.30PM and got home around 7.30PM. Since everyone was hungry we bought a family bucket at KFC. Surprisingly, the line is quite long. I guess many have missed Hari Raya meal this year. On the second day, we started our Hari Raya jalan-jalan to our relatives house around 12.00PM. We got up a little bit late that morning =P. We went to Tok Ngah's house at Bukit Kecil but the gate was locked. Then we went to another Tok Ngah's house in Kuala Ibai. They didn't really recognize us if my mother wasn't with us and I guess it goes both ways. I wish we'll be more in touch but leave it to me, always so malas to visit family. Thank God for Hari Raya. After that we went to another Tok's house in Batu Burok, only to find out that Tok already moved to a new house (the current house that we always visit is his daughter's), a new wife in fact. Heheh. Then, we (all the other guests who wanted to visit him also) drove to his new house which is only 3 minutes drive.

After that, we called Ayah Zih (my uncle) because his house was supposed to be next. He said that he was at Istana Maziah and would be home in 30 minutes. We went home first because everyone needed to use the bathroom and my mom wanted to pray (zuhur) at home. After we got home, we went to Cik Nor's (neighbor) open house and we were about to leave for Ayah Zih's house when Cik Nah (another neighbor) and her family came knocking.

We left to Ayah Zih's around 4.30PM. I haven't been to Ayah Zih's house in a while. Been meaning to drop by when Yie came back for his semester break but didn't get a chance to since I've been running forth and back to Kuantan and Kota Bharu. So, I didn't know that Ayah Zih have done an extension to his house. I was a little surprised when the usual yard now turned into walls and pavements. The place looks gorgeous though. Not many furniture in the new living room. So, it looks spacious especially with the right wall color (Ayah Zih had been bragging about choosing the color himself. hehe). He left the deco to Makcik Nor though. So, the room looks as elegant as the rest of the house.

We left around 6.30PM and after Asar's prayer, we went to Mydin Mall to buy all the ingredients for our Hari Raya makan-makan on the next day. Abang kept reminding us that we only have 30 minutes since they wanted to pray Maghrib at home and Abang has a prior engagement at 8.30PM. We managed to shop for 35 minutes (thank you for the constant reminder). I was a little disappointed because the beef, beansprout and tempe are all sold out. I guess the soto can manage without beansprout and kuah lodeh won't lose its taste without tempe. But try telling the guests that they are eating beefless beef biryani.

Nevertheless, I started cooking that night with the helps from everyone. Abang was late for his futsal game because he was helping with cutting the chickens. Ijat was assigned to finding all the ingredients I couldn't found in Mydin, all over Terengganu. Co was crushing the potatoes (and that was only after I pulled a face since he was busy playing online game while others were busy cooking, my poor brother. hehe) and adik baked her famous chocolate chip banana bread (erk, famous only to us).

My soldiers fall one by one, starting with Ijat. Then adik said she wanted to take a nap in the living room. I know what that means, =P. When Abang got home from futsal, he kept on asking if there's anything that he can help me with. I left him in charge for mencarik-carik ayam for Soto, I thought that would keep him occupied. Turned out he was quite fast. Then, I asked him to peel the fried ground nuts (for Kuah Kacang), that took a while. Co was helping with shaping the potatoes for begedil and that took a while too. They finished around 4.00AM. I was cooking Dalca when they finished. Abang went straight to bed while Co continued with his online game.

After frying papadom and suhun, I felt a little light headed, that was around 5.00AM. I decided to take a nap in the living room and set my alarm to 5.30AM. I woke up to my mother's voice waking up my brothers and sister for Subuh prayer at 6.30AM. After washing my face, I took my car key and drove to the nearest butcher stall and got my 2 kilos beef. The butcher told me that the Gelugor morning market was opened and I went there next, hoping I could find tempe and beansprout. There was barely 5 stalls opened.

I then headed to Pasar Chabang Tiga (wet market). The pasar was crowded considering it was only the third day of Hari Raya. I asked around for tempe and bean sprouts but it turned that no one makes tempe yet and someone showed me the stall (the one and only) that sold beansprout. The crowd was intense. Everyone wanted a little bit of beansprout. I could never believe, me, who have been hating beansprouts my whole life was battling for beansprout at 7.00AM. I lost the battle.

I started cooking (again) as soon as I got home. Adik was up early and she helped me with grinding and cooking and cleaning. Our first guest came at 11.00AM. We told everyone to come after 12.00 but I guess Mi's (my mom) friends must have missed the details. The second guests was Cik Nor and her family. I was still in my T-shirt and Jeans at the time and was still cooking. Soto, kuah kacang and lontong has finished cooking. Nasi biryani was on the stove still.

I managed to sneak upstairs after Cik Nor and her family left and get myself cleaned. I guess we overestimated the guests. The crowd was much smaller than the previous year but I guess it's better this way. I got to spend some quality, personal time with them. To my surprise, some that I haven't met for quite sometime showed up. That was nice. There are a lot of leftovers. I think I'm going to bring some to the office tomorrow.

Like I said. Tiring. I had fun though. Selamat Hari Raya everyone. Have a great one!

Change of Season

I’m quite an optimist. I see the silver lining rather easily. To be an optimist is not difficult. You just have to have faith that something always happens for a reason. I learned to not judge by its cover. I learned that it is best to give people the benefit of the doubt.  

To remain as an optimist though is becoming harder for me. I see people around me getting better jobs, bigger paychecks, found soul mates, having babies and I can’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy building inside of me. As much as I want to be grateful for the life that I have, I wonder if this is it to life?  

Fortunately, I share this feeling with quite a number of people, who feel that there is more to life. How curious that the people that I envy feels that they don’t have enough where as I would kill to have the life that they have. I guess the grass really seems greener on the other side. 

Question: Are there really more to life, or are we just being ungrateful? Do each of us really meant to do something big, someday? What if we never found it? Do we need to find it or will it eventually come to us?  

I was looking for my passport the other day and I stumbled upon my old diary, as old as 10 years ago. I read through it and how interesting to find that I have not changed that much. Interesting too at the turn of events, the unexpected friendships, the never-I-thought-would-happen tragedy. Interesting too that 10 years ago I have already wonder what will happen to me in 10 years. Then it hits me. 

I will never know the answers. It’s a mystery and I am sure it will surprise me again as it did 10 years ago.    

But if I learn anything from my life 10 years ago, it is that it doesn’t matter what will happen later in my life. What matter is what happens now and I don’t want to fill my day with wondering, I’m pretty sure I wondered enough for the rest of my life. I am going to live my life to the fullest, today. God knows what will happen tomorrow, but I will deal with tomorrow, TOMORROW.  

As for the green grass, they are never as green as they look like. Besides, I am happy with my blue, purple or whatever color grass that I have.  

Didn’t anyone tell you that freaks are the new normal?  

p/s I am into sewing now, not that I know how. I bought a textbook and started reading it last night. On the first chapter the author said something along this line: "Jika anda berpakaian simple ke pejabat, orang akan keliru dan berfikir apa yang kurang mengenai anda. Anda akan kelihatan pelik dan tidak cantik". And I thought less is more. hmm..

Lagi-lagi Tag

Syu re-tagged me.. I'm not usually a tag-killer, but for this tag, I hope this will be the end of it.. =)

1. The person who last tag you is:
Cik Syuhada Adnan

2. Your relationship with him/her is:
Friend, sister, lover.. hahaha

3. Your five impression of him/her:
a.Someone who speaks her mind
b.Brilliant, literally.
c.Artistic
d.Very kind
e.Stubborn-stubborn ayam

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you:
A lot actually, one that I always remember and treasure and tell the story to many is how she helped get my sister to the bus station. I can't describe how worried I was leaving my sister alone and sad that I couldn't send her myself, but the fact she's willing to come to KL during rush hour (she doesn't have a car at the time) and then send her to Putra Station (by cab) until my sister get on her bus really touched me.

5. The most memorable thing he/she had said to you:
Pun banyak and there's a few I keep in my phone (SMS). Here's my fav:
"Hi. Bleh tk dm hujan lebat rasa sangap dan trus pg tesco mkn kfc? Haha. Aku kt kfc skarang. Tgh mkn sorg2! Wish u were here.."

6. If he/she become your lover, you will:
She is =P

7. If he/she become your lover, thing he/she has to improve on will be:
She's perfect the way she is

8. If he/she become your enemy, you will:
I don't know. I just hope that if we ever fight, we'll come back to this entry and see how much we mean to each other.

9. If he/she become your enemy, the reason will be:
Can't think of anything right now.

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:
I really want her to be happy. I know she's happy now but she'll be happier if she's studying. So, I wish I can get her the scholarship to study anything and anywhere in the world.

11. Your overall impression of him/her is:
A great friend

Ahlan Wa Sahlan Ya Ramadhan

It’s that time of the year again! Ramadhan this year came a little early than the previous year but I am just as excited. Celebrating Ramadhan always feel like celebrating a new year to me. Even before Ramadhan, I have set up a few goals that I wish to achieve by the end of this blessed month.

For one, not eating and drinking do give me a better perspective on life. For some reason, it helps clear my mind and make me more focus. I guess it has something to do with science too. Isn’t it the same practice too if you want to get rid the toxic in you? Or fat. Hehe.

Secondly, I get to save. Not taking lunch break helps my wallet. Normally I have to spend for lunch and the goodies from the bookstore in front of our office “Pustaka Seri Intan” and easily be RM10 per day. Since I decided to stay in the office during on lunch break during Ramadhan, I can easily save RM200.

The third reason might be influenced by the idea of this month itself. Since we were kids, we were told that the devils are being tied during this month. All the bad deeds come from our own self and not influenced by any external factor. For that reason, my heart trying to prove that I am actually a good person and I feel a strong need to be good and to do good.

During Ramadhan, I always challenge myself to do difficult chores and that is the fourth reason. I like that I get to challenge myself. To see, what I am capable of. In any normal days, I would easily grab a drink. Since I know that I cannot eat or drink no matter how hard it is, I challenge myself to always take another step. It not only resulted in physical fitness but it will also improve your will power. It is more of a mind game. Corny but, You Can if You THINK You Can.

On my life PH scale, the journey during Ramadhan is a 7. It is up to me by the end of it to turn left or right.

p/s Ramli Awang Murshid has launched the last of the "Bagaikan Puteri" trilogy, "Hijab Sang Pencinta". I have to say I'm a little disappointed with the third book. I like the ending, it's realistic. What I don't like is the unnecessary characters and subplots that makes the main plot messy with many loose endings. I read that Ziela Jalil was interested to make a mini TV series of the books and I seriously hoped that RAM won't allow her. The books are too good to be make mini-series. With the right director and actors, it can be the Malay Lord of The Ring. They have to get the right Sunan though, very much like Aragorn but with a lot more patience.Let's just hope Ziela won't mess it up!

A reason to Blog

Hahaha, I haven't updated my blog for a while now.. Been busy actually.. I'm doing a little project called Kueh Raya.. hahahaha.. I never really into tagging, it can get very personal sometimes.. since most of the readers are either friends or family, not much a secret there..

I also want to take this opportunity to wish you a very blessed Ramadhan.. May Ramadhan this year will be better than the last Ramadhan.. InsyaAllah.. Ramadhan Mubarak!

1. The person who last tag you is:
Adek - Tengku Norhanisah Binti Tengku Kamaruddin

2. Your relationship with him/her is:
My dear Sister

3. Your five impression of him/her:
a.A good listener
b.Creative
c.Sensitive
d.Stubborn
e."Agak" mendengar kata.. hahaha

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you:
She's my lil sis.. So just by being that is memorable enough except on her stubborn-as-hell day..

5. The most memorable thing he/she had said to you:
hahaha.. ok this happens a while back but she actually said this when I asked her what did she want from the States when my friend is coming back for the summer "Kakna balikla. Tak payahlah bagi apa-apa lagi" Somehow, that get stuck in my head and I came back that summer..

6. If he/she become your lover, you will:
Hmm...

7. If he/she become your lover, thing he/she has to improve on will be:
Hmm..

8. If he/she become your enemy, you will:
I don't think she can, she's family you see.. bicker, fights, yes. Enemy? never gonna happen, I'll make sure of that..

9. If he/she become your enemy, the reason will be:
Maybe, in a very slim chance that we can become enemy, because of the stubbornness trait that we both inherit.. hahaha

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:
FOR her? well, like everything you want to do for the ones that are close to your heart.. keep them close and safe..

11. Your overall impression of him/her is:
I still see her as my lil sis, the three year old ones..

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?:
I think people think that I am a little different (read:weird).. hahaha.. not that it bothers me =P

13. The characters you love of yourself are:
It's a love-hate relationship but I do like that I am stubborn, it keeps my eyes on the goal and make me want to fight harder.

14. On the contrary, the characters you hate yourself are:
Hahaha like I said, love-hate relationship, still is stubborn. It can be too much at times that it became out of control and force me to say or to do something that I don't even mean.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is:
No one specific.. but I always have this person in my mind that I wish to be.. it still is me, just the upgraded version.. =)

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them:
Hahahaha.. I think these people heard these enough from me, but yeah, I do love you guys..

17. Pass this quiz to 5 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you:
1. Sheila
2. Syu
3. Ainur
4. Sari
5. Liena Ideris

18. Who is no.1 having relationship with?
Alamak, is it Shahrul? or Shahril? or fakhrul? I totally forgot..

19. Is no.4 a male or female?
Female

20. If no.3 and 5 are together, will it be a good thing?
hahahhha.. you guys are together, aren't ya? =P

22. What is no.2 studying about?
She's currently working at Kementerian Luar Negara and she graduated from UW, Madison in International Relations.

23. When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
I think last week..

24. What kind of music band does no.4 like?
Anything that is US top 40.. kan sari kan?

25. Does no.1 have any siblings?
Yep.. 4 right?

26. Will you woo no.2?
already wooed.. =P

27. How about no.4?
we shared the same bed before.. hahahhaha both no.2 & no.4 used to be my roommates, silly..

28. Is no.1 single?
No, she's having a relationship with what-his-name

29. What is the surname of no.3?
No surname, but her dad's name is Ahmad Fuad..

30. What's the hobby of no.5?
I think, travelling..

31. Does no.1 and 5 get along well?
Oh yes, they used to work at the same place..

32. Where is no.2 studying at?
She went to UW-Madison for her undergrad, yet to tell me where she's gonna do her Master's.

33. Talk something casually about no.1:
The most confident person on earth would be everyone's first impression.. get to know her better and you'll see a fragile little girl.. (don't hate me for this Sheils)

34. Have you tried developing feelings for no.3?
Don't have to, it has been developed.. =D

35. Where does no.5 live at?
She's currently doing her Psych Master in Manchester

36. What colour does no.2 like?
Earthy colors and gold and silver..

37. Are no.3 and 1 best friend?
They have been friends for 8 years and they still like each other.. that would qualify for a best friend right? haha the truth is all of us are best of friends..

38. Does no.3 have any pets?
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.. what are the odds this question dapat kat ainur.. yes, yes and yes.. she has or might I say had many many pets but she killed all of them.. kura-kura masak merah anyone?

39. Is no.1 the sexiest person in the world?
hell, yeah! (not that the rest of you guys aren't)

40. What is no. 5 doing now?
Liena, you are so far away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but you are thinking of me, aren't ya? ;)