Change of Season

I’m quite an optimist. I see the silver lining rather easily. To be an optimist is not difficult. You just have to have faith that something always happens for a reason. I learned to not judge by its cover. I learned that it is best to give people the benefit of the doubt.  

To remain as an optimist though is becoming harder for me. I see people around me getting better jobs, bigger paychecks, found soul mates, having babies and I can’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy building inside of me. As much as I want to be grateful for the life that I have, I wonder if this is it to life?  

Fortunately, I share this feeling with quite a number of people, who feel that there is more to life. How curious that the people that I envy feels that they don’t have enough where as I would kill to have the life that they have. I guess the grass really seems greener on the other side. 

Question: Are there really more to life, or are we just being ungrateful? Do each of us really meant to do something big, someday? What if we never found it? Do we need to find it or will it eventually come to us?  

I was looking for my passport the other day and I stumbled upon my old diary, as old as 10 years ago. I read through it and how interesting to find that I have not changed that much. Interesting too at the turn of events, the unexpected friendships, the never-I-thought-would-happen tragedy. Interesting too that 10 years ago I have already wonder what will happen to me in 10 years. Then it hits me. 

I will never know the answers. It’s a mystery and I am sure it will surprise me again as it did 10 years ago.    

But if I learn anything from my life 10 years ago, it is that it doesn’t matter what will happen later in my life. What matter is what happens now and I don’t want to fill my day with wondering, I’m pretty sure I wondered enough for the rest of my life. I am going to live my life to the fullest, today. God knows what will happen tomorrow, but I will deal with tomorrow, TOMORROW.  

As for the green grass, they are never as green as they look like. Besides, I am happy with my blue, purple or whatever color grass that I have.  

Didn’t anyone tell you that freaks are the new normal?  

p/s I am into sewing now, not that I know how. I bought a textbook and started reading it last night. On the first chapter the author said something along this line: "Jika anda berpakaian simple ke pejabat, orang akan keliru dan berfikir apa yang kurang mengenai anda. Anda akan kelihatan pelik dan tidak cantik". And I thought less is more. hmm..