Put on your running shoes.

The experts always say that everytime you encounter a challenge, confront it. Never run. I wonder if these experts have ever have my challenges.

It's true in theory and yes it sounds really motivating. Let's get real though. As if having the problems is not bad enough, now we have someone telling us that we are not brave enough by running.

Is running really that bad?

It depends. There are some problems that you have to deal head on. However, there are cases that you have dealt with it so many times that it left you emotionally dried and yet nothing has changed.

It is like finding a needle in a huge stack of hays in a building with the size of Midvalley Megamall plus the new Garden. Do we want to keep on searching? Or can we go to seven eleven and buy a new needle or better yet, a new sweater at Nichis?

When we deal with the same thing so many times, the chances of the problem to be solved getting slimmer. Yet through the process, we wasted time and energy to do something that resulted in nothing. Worst yet, we might lose faith. An optimist could easily become a pessimist.

What would you do then? Do you keep on trying or are you allowed to run?

For a change, let me suggest to you something that is rather radical and might enrage all those motivational speakers. Stop trying. Stop solving and see how it would work out. It might surprise you that when you stop trying, things just fall back into places.

Besides, there are some things that can only be mend with time. And time never work well with those who suffers.

Then again, life is never that simple. In between the black and white, there is a stinking huge wide gap of gray. It might work, it might not work. But what have you got to lose?

Give it a thought.

When is enough is enough?

I saw a mentally challenged person today. She is my client's mother. He did not tell us that his mother has this condition until she suddenly came into his office and started screaming hysterically. He was extremely embarrassed but not once raised his voice. After a while, the mother left. He took sometime to lift his eyes to meet us but we waited patiently. He apologized repeatedly. I tried my best to tell him that he has nothing to be embarrassed about and we are okay.

He then explained that his mother had a mental breakdown 8 months ago, after his father passed away. He said that his family knew that even before his father passed away that his mother was going through something. She was depressed for quite sometimes. Since she never said anything, they did not ask. They assumed that she must be able to handle whatever she was dealing with or else she would say something. Unfortunately she never said anything and whatever that was building inside her exploded the day her husband passed away.

Later that day, I keep on thinking about what happened. The questions that keeps nagging at the back of my mind is, how bad is it? Why did not she tell someone? And finally, when is the breaking point?

I cannot help but think back of all my depressed days. I took some psychology classes, so I know a little bit about the symptoms of people going through depression. One of the symptoms is that not wanting to leave the bed or even do anything. Whenever I feel like going through this, I always push myself to at least leave the bed to wash my face. That is all the push it needs, everything else will slowly fall into place. The worst thing when you reach the stage of not wanting to leave the bed is that, you don't really want to talk to anyone. Pushing someone to talk at this stage is a waste of time or would even make it worse. They will talk only when they feel like talking.

I know that this is more of Lina Ideris's area and I am no expert. However, I think when someone reach this stage, what they need is just attention. Whether a small talk or a touch of hand or simply by just being there next to them would help. Any amount of love is appreciated.

So, the question: When is the breaking point? When would you know that enough is enough?

The answer might be 'never' when it comes to love. However, in depression, whenever the question is triggered, the answer will always be 'Now' and it's time for story telling.

Starfish

One summer ago, a boy had changed my life.

It was a hot summer and I was getting suffocated with work that I decided to take some time off. As soon as my weekend started, I packed my things, filled up my tank and just hit the wheel. I have no idea where I was going, all I know is that I need some fresh air. I finally ended up on a rather deserted beach.

After checking in, I decided to take a walk down the beach. I could not really get near to the beach since there were thousands of starfishes washed out along the beach. Since I just wanted to clear my head, I did not mind the beach nor the water. I continued walking until I saw a boy, not far from me, throwing a starfish, one by one back to the water. It striked me the act was rather foolish since there were too many starfish, but I did not say a word. I just watch him from afar and turned back to the inn where I was staying.

On the next day, before checking out, I took my last walk on that beach. And then there the boy was, still throwing starfishes into the water. This time, I just stood there and watched him do it repeatedly. When I could not contain my curiosity any longer, I walked up close to him. If he was shocked to see me, he did not show it.

"Can I help you, sir? He asked me politely. His hands were still clutching to a starfish and his tone, the way he carried it, sound as if he was distracted from doing an important job. He might as well be.

"Well, I was actually rather curious about what you are doing actually. I was here yesterday too and I noticed that you have been throwing starfishes into the sea. So, if you don't mind telling me, what is it exactly you are doing? It seems that you are rather obsessed with it"

"Well, I'm saving them sir. They belong to the water" He answered innocently. I almost smiled, he must have thought I am a foolish person for asking this. I then tried to rephrase my sentence again, trying not to sound too idiotic this time.

"I know that. It is just that, don't you think it is rather foolish? I mean, look at this beach, there must be thousands of them. It would not even make a difference. You throw one into the water but there will be at least another 10 coming in. It would not even matter" I added the last sentence slowly, it was barely a whisper though I believed that he must have heard me because he suddenly looked at me.

The boy then lowered his head and stared long into one of the starfish in his hand. I soon feel sorry that I might have discourage him. As I was still struggling with my words to comfort him, he suddenly looked at me and raised his hand with the starfish in it. Then he gently throw it into the water.

"It matters to that one sir" He said in a as a-matter-of-factly voice, and just continue picking another starfish and throwing them into the water and then another.

I was stunned by his answer. There he was, a boy, realized that it does not matter to the result at large but only thinking on the one he is holding. Then I realize too, no matter how small a deed is, it still will change at least someone's life.

Then I picked up a starfish.

- The story was told by one of the trainer for Etiqa Brand Vision Training. It was a rather short story but is modified by me, to add a little life & spice to it. =)

I GOT TAGGED

My dear dear cousin tagged me! 8 random facts about me..
haha how random are we talking about? =)

The Rules

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.
   

8 Random Facts!

1. I just recently learned to play Sudoku and now I am addicted to it.
2. I hate lotus notes.
3. For the past 2 months, I've been stocking up Jodi Picoult's and now I have 8 of hers.
4. London is my least favorite place of all the places that I've been to.
5. I hated bean sprouts with all my heart but is taking baby steps to eat them by eating spring rolls. =)
6. I have a crush on Brad Pitt since forever.
7. I don't get football nor the pleasure of watching it.
8. I have short fingers, shorter than Ella's.
   

Lucky 8:

1. Cik Ainur Fadhillah Ahmad Fuad
   
2. Cik Syuhada Adnan
3. Cik Sarimah Samad
4. Cik Nurul Fadhillah Yaacob (whom I heard is back in town)
5. Cik Nurul Sheila Khaleb
   
6. Cik Azlina Ideris aka ayu
7. Cik Amelia Wardah Kasim
   
8. En Ayaz Ismail

Have fun you guys!

Saturday April 5, 2008

THE END OF A FAMILY KETTLE

Kuala Terengganu: On 1981, a couple of Allahyarham Tengku Kamaruddin Bin Tengku Salim and Akmar binti Ariffin, had received a kettle as one of their wedding presents. Today, after 26 years, the kettle finally has rendered its service.

When asked what was the cause of death, the eldest daughter of the couple does not have a definite answer for that. However, she speculates that it might be caused by her brother who left the kettle on the stove until the water runs dry. She also added that there are many other factors that could contribute to it. The kettle's age is one of the reasons given by her and also the pre-existing illnesses.

Throughout its service, the kettle had confronted with a number of accidents which had left it with many scars and cracks. It also had gone through many major surgeries where some parts of its bodies has been replaced. However, it had never stopped doing what it does best, boiling water. Until today.

In the meantime, the family is now hiring a temporary kettle to replace the deceased. Despite of the many options in the market, the family still wants to stick with a stove kettle rather than an electric kettle.

As a tribute to the kettle's long and loyal service, the family has decided to dedicate this column to the kettle. Peace.









Wear and Tear : The 9 faces of the kettle painted with colors of hardworks and loyalty. The picture is taken on the day of the burial.

















Temporary replacement: Seated next to its temporary replacement, the kettle is now at peace.

Gender Discrimination in Syari'ah Court?

I went to KL last week for a training. My colleague, who is also a good friend, joined the same session. She missed the second day morning session because she had to go to a syari'ah court for the verdict for her case. She is requesting for a fasakh for over a year and had moved to a new house . Her ex-husband made a fuss about picking up their children at their old residence and had my friend arrested since she failed to show up at the old residence on one weekend. My friend was bailed at RM2,000 as per the judge's instruction simply for that act, for wanting the children to be safe (the old residence was rather dangerous). She then filed a case against her ex-husband to have the child picked up at the new residence and the verdict was
announced that morning.

She did not say anything when she arrived that morning. When we break for lunch, I asked her if everything is okay and from her solemn face, I knew that it did not go well. She lost the case.

Facts:

1. The ex-husband tried to hit her last time when she sent the children to the old residence.
2. The distance between the old residence and the new residence is too far, it's economically and geographically insane.
3. The husband never give her and the children nafkah in their two years of separation.
4. She was arrested as if she is a criminal, when she only tried to be a mother.
5. The judge has sided with the ex-husband even before her case was heard.

Bottom line: She was being discriminated.

She told me even her lawyer was surprised that they lost the case since they felt that the case is rock solid. She is worried now since her request for fasakh is still ongoing and it will be heard by that same judge. She has lost thousands for the past two years and now she is going to appeal for the case that she lost, which would easily add another thousands.

She plans to file a complaint and asked me if I have friends who have a connection to the big people. I asked Sarimah for DS Shahrizat contact but was told that DS Shahrizat is not the person to contact for these type of cases. She gave me other options such as Sisters in Islam and Awam.

Sisters in Islam (SIS) is an independent non-governmental organisation,
formed in 1988, which believes in an Islam that upholds the principles
of equality, justice, freedom and dignity.

I also had a chance to talk to a very experienced lawyer and he told me that my friend has several options. She can complain to Ketua Hakim Syari'i, MB Selangor or straight to Sultan Selangor since he is the Head of the Religion of Islam in Selangor.

AWAM is an independent feminist

organisation committed to improving

the lives of women in Malaysia.

I know that she sounds a little paranoid. In her shoes, she has to be. There are a lot of story where the divorce cases lasted as long as 12 years. Not only it will involve a lot of money, she will waste her time and energy for unnecessary problem.

So, I'm asking you to help. Maybe not on her case. I am asking you to say something on this issue so that no one else would ever have to go through this.

p/s I think long and hard before I write this entry. I feel weird telling something so personal though she gave her full consent to me. Still, I want to put it out there so that people would know. So, I tried to not describe my friend and her ex-husband's personality as much as possible and lay out the facts as accurate as I could.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

I am jealous.

why?

Because I went to check out Syu's blog just now and it is filled with pictures.

Hence my new resolution, put more pictures in blog.