Anger

When my cousin's kids tore off the plastic cover of the congkak that I bought at Kota Kinabalu and took out the seashells (its marbles), really, I was trying very hard not to shout. I threw a fake smile and nonchalantly continued the conversation that I had with my cousin. Inside I was boiling, to think of how I carefully bring it from KK to avoid from any scratch.

Ten minutes after that, as I was still talking to my cousin, I silently reasons with myself. They are just kids and they are doing what kids do best, being curious. Besides, I can easily wrap it again. It's not like there's a special plastic wrap and as far as the seashells go, I can always find them. I am living in Terengganu for God sake, you see seashells everywhere you turn your head. Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating. But, really, there is no point of getting angry.

Anger. I used to hate it. I hated it because I saw what it can do to people. I saw how a one time anger can break a relationship for years. I hated it for years. I prayed to God to never let me have that emotion.

Then I got a job. My first job. I was an employee trying to shine and I see myself too soft to do so. I observed and I decided to hire someone new. So I employed anger. Used it as a weapon, as a bargaining tool. As a trigger. I was pulling the trigger, everytime, until I finally saw the images behind it. The faces of the people I hurt. It's the cost of that employment.

I changed my strategy then. I employ anger still, but only on the temporary basis. You see, we need anger in life. How else would you be motivated then if there's no anger to heat you up. I guess the secret is, you have to take charge. Let anger know that you are the employer and you are the one to pull the trigger.

So then you know. When the heat starts to burn your skin, you can call it to a halt.