the aching pain that keeps you up at night.......

Pertama kali aku tergugah
Dalam setiap kata yang kau ucap
Bila malam tlah datang
Terkadang ingin ku tulis semua perasaan

Kata orang rindu itu indah
Namun bagiku ini menyiksa
Sejenak ku fikirkan untuk ku benci saja dirimu
Namun sulit ku membenci

Pejamkan mata bila kuingin bernafas lega
Dalam anganku aku berada disatu persimpangan jalan yang sulit kupilih

Ku peluk semua indah hidupku
Hikmah yang ku rasa sangat tulus
Ada dan tiada cinta bagiku tak mengapa
namun ada yang hilang separuh
diriku

-Bimbang, Melly Goeslow

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I started writing this entry with a sad story. It's been on my mind for one whole day.. nay scratch that, actually it's been a week that I started the countdown.. Today shouldn't be different than any other day. It has been 6 years and I have moved on, I am moving on. I love my life now, with its warts and all. But why oh why do I find myself picturing his smiles and hearing his laughs while I was walking through 'Pasar Malam'? Why, me, a person who thought life is better this way, found myself crying through my 'Pasar Malam' browsing which I'm sure left some of the pakcik looking scared.

As soon as I got home, I tried writing the whole thing, about his personality mostly, because that's what I promised myself to write when I first started this blog. It wasn't purposely created for him but was inspired by him. But why can't I finish my story? I started writing it only to find that I can't possibly finish it, which leaves me with this entry. Today is no different than any other day. Today shouldn't be different. It's been 6 years and I still miss him terribly.

One day, I'll write about him. One day, I'll write about Abah..