Curiosity Kills the Cat

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself. The future is never the way we imagined it.

-Meredith of Grey's Anatomy (ep:23&24)

Yeay, my sister is home! Hence, my torturous days of waiting for the Grey's Anatomy series has ended. This season season's finale is by far my most favorite. It's amazing after 5 seasons, I'm still glued to this series.

The quote above would be my favorite for this season. I worry about the future too much. Like it said though, even if I know it in advance it still won't cushion the blow.

When my father was sick and bedbound, I have prepared myself emotionally for the worst news. Yet when the worst happened, the pain is nothing like I have ever experienced before. So, I agree. Knowing what will happen doesn't exactly help you emotionally.

Still, I can't help but wonder how everything would turn out someday. I know, I know, live today for the fullest and your future will unfold itself. Even so, a girl can be a little curious, can't she?

I Just Want To Be Myself

I was googling for a poem by Rumi that Syu once wrote to me when I stumbled upon this one blog. It is filled with poems and stories of Sufis. Before I know it, I have already spent over an hour reading his entries. I like this one story, authored by Khalil Gibran. I'd like to share it.

******************

I was strolling in the gardens of an insane asylum when I met a young man who was reading a philosophy book.

His behavior and his evident good health made him stand out from the other inmates.

I sat down beside him and asked:
‘What are you doing here?’

He looked at me, surprised. But seeing that I was not one of the doctors, he replied:

‘It’s very simple. My father, a brilliant lawyer, wanted me to be like him. My uncle, who owns a large emporium, hoped I would follow his example. My mother wanted me to be the image of her beloved father. My sister always set her husband before me as an example of the successful man. My brother tried to train me up to be a fine athlete like himself.

And the same thing happened at school, with the piano teacher and the English teacher - they were all convinced and determined that they were the best possible example to follow. None of them looked at me as one should look at a man, but as if they were looking in a mirror.

So I decided to enter this asylum. At least here I can be myself.’

***********************

Interesting, ain't it? Haha, of course volunteering yourself into an asylum is not a solution. But that is how I feel sometimes. Not that many people have any high expectations towards me but some are trying to make me someone I'm not. Being myself should not be a battle that I have to fight everyday. Then again, I think most of us actually do do that everyday. Heh. 

P/S By the way Syu, if you read this, can you write to me once again, the definition of truth by rumi? something to do with broken mirror, different angles. Thanks!!!

Fikirlah

After hearing tons of compliments from many people, I decided to give it a try. I watched (on youtube) the videos of Tomok of One in A Million. I gotta say, he is really becoming someone new. I especially like when he sang "Umbrella", he made it his own song. Anyways, my brother came out from his room just now and I showed him the video (we always make fun of Tomok before) and he was really impressed. 

Then we talked about all the reality TV (singing competition) and how AF is overrated. We talked about the people that came out of these singing competition and where they are now in our music industries. Especially the winners. We concluded that you've got to have your own identity. People like Faizal Tahir, Aizat, Tomok, they know what they want and they do it. They produce their own music and make their music to become one with their identity. They don't let people tell them what to do (like most kids in AF. They express themselves in the way they want it to be. I think that is great.

Anyways, I like this one song from Aizat. It has been playing in my head the whole week. 

Fikirlah.

Verse 1
Benarkah salahku, lepaskan kamu
Kau duga egoku, fahami diriku begini
Tiada yang sama
Yang pasti kita semua bebeza
Kau fikirlah

Chorus
Tiada guna cipta sebuah cerita
Kalau kisah kita sementara
Rasa hati dan langkahmu
Membuat aku keliru

Tiada guna kita menderita
Sungguh semua tidur pun tak lena
Rasa hati dan katamu
Tak lagi seperti dulu

Verse 2
Kita pernah satu, aku dan kamu
Dulu itu dulu, masih di dalam ingatanku
Kini berbeza
Namun masih ku harap kau bersedia
Oo mungkinkah, kau temu bahagia

Chorus

Bridge
Lepaskan semua mimpimu
Tangis dan juga sayumu
Kau fikirlah

Chorus
Tiada guna cipta sebuah cerita
Kalau kisah kita sementara
Rasa hati dan langkahmu
Membuat ku keliru

Tiada guna kita menderita,
Sungguh semua tidur pun tak lena,
Rasa hati dan katamu
Tak lagi seperti dulu

Sungguh semua tidur pun tak lena
Rasa hati dan katamu
Tak lagi seperti dulu

Aku keliru
Aku keliruuuu....

Unravel me

I want to be a Vicky so desperately yet I found myself leaning towards a Cristina. I simply cannot understand. I wish there is a guideline to follow. 

..................

Somehow between driving in the heavy rain to Pantai Teluk Chempedak at 12.00 AM, buying nuggets and oreo McFlurry and eating them in the car and finishing my McFlurry in front of my laptop, my head is getting clearer. At least that is what I felt as I stare into my McFlurry cup with a quarter of its melted contents. 

A penguin wants to stay a penguin eventhough a peacock looks much merrier. Hence, a decision has to be made. 

May Allah makes it easy.

Never say forever

I used to have a fotopage, when I still had my camera back in Bloomington. I mantained it for a while until I got bored, then I ignored it. Somehow a few weeks ago, I received an email from fotopage telling me that I have received a new comment. I can't login because I can't remember my username and password. I don't remember the address, so I googled it. 

Thank God it's not that difficult to find it. Turned out, I've received quite a few comments from friends and strangers. So, if any of you who commented back then is reading this entry, please know that I don't mean to ignore your comments. I don't even realize it actually.

Looking at the pictures, I realized how much I miss taking pictures and edited them. To make it alive, that's what I always tell Syu. I hate dull, plain pictures. I like pictures that come alive when you see them. The one that tell a story. People say a picture is worth a thousand words, and I plan to make mine worth a million more. 

Anyways, I came across this picture that I had back then. This is not mine. Definitely got it somewhere on the web. I don't really know to whom should I give the credit to. But I'd like to share it. Today I found that someone called Grandpa Suparyo commented on it. It's nice and I'd like to share that too.

Grandpa Suparyo's comment:

Don't be pessimistic  The world is always rotating  Making the seasons cling  Once you might cry another time you sing  Grab your fortune though it looks gloomy at the beginning  sigh..

Something I want To say A long Time Ago

I agree: 

Appearing to be humble and actually being humble are two very different things.

Cocky people disgust me too.

Humility is indeed the key.

Hehe, as if sending SMS to Ainur did not already emphasize my feeling on this. Not to mention my comment on Ayaz's blog. 

But really, wake up! Open your eyes. Just because you went to great school or took writing lessons or have your own business, that doesn't mean you know it all. I'd like to see how you handle it when you fall flat on your face. Well, that sounds a little extreme. Whatever. 

The world is round you see. And life is fair with all its unfairness. Although you appear to be religous, you sure don't act like one. Shame on you. 

Humility is the key, yes it is.

Addiction..

That's what this is..

Holly: I don't want to make any mistakes, Gerry.

Gerry: Then you're in the wrong species, love. Be a duck.

Hehe, I have always loved that quote from P/S I Love You. I re-watched it last night. One of the two movies that make me cry no matter how many times I watched it. 

The other one would be "A Walk to Remember". I remembered watching it with Yani back in Bloomington. We were both in love with Shane West from "Whatever it takes". Hence, our eagerness to watch that movie. We weren't prepared for the emotional ride it would take us. We cried from start to finish. Haha. Thank God we weren't the only two. We realized that when we went to the bathroom and almost everyone's eyes was wet with tears. We took a cab back to Tulip Tree and we were still crying in the cab. I can't imagine what the driver must be thinking.

Both Mandy Moore and Shane West did a good job. Wonder what happened to him after that movie. Hmm..

Oh well, I miss Bloomington today.