Something Random

Life has been too hectic these past few days. Actually scratch that, for the past few weeks. I can't even catch my breath let alone to stop and smell the roses, =). I've been running here and there and I don't remember how many people actually told me (including my colleague and a boss) that I need to take a break. I'm not THAT hardworking, trust me. But it is approaching the end of our financial year (30th of June). Taking a break is not an option because even if I do, I would still get panic attack just by thinking how close the date is. I rather run around NOT thinking about it. Haha.

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I saw a rainbow 2 days ago. Except that it's not really a rainbow. The shape was like a distorted circle. The colors vary and changing every minute. It was hiding behind a rather large cloud, but every few minutes, it peeped out. I saw it at 6.00 PM and it was not even raining. Make me wonder if it really was a rainbow. I guess it doesn't matter if it cannot be define. It was just too beautiful.

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When the price of everything else rise for the last few weeks, I did whine a few times. But not as much as when the petrol price increase. I really hate that it increases to a point that I feel like crying. It made me thinking. If I, a middle-class citizen, is feeling like this, I wonder how are those who earn lower than me reacted. This is the most disappointed I have ever felt living in this country. We are not being fairly treated. The percentage of the petrol price against the average wages is way too high. This is no way to live a life in a developing country. I am protesting in any ways possible. Ask me, and I'll join you.
Too disappointed and extremely pissed off.

Got Tagged by my sister!

Instructions: Remove ONE question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

1. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Lust at first sight, yes. Love might come later.

2. Have you ever felt stupid? Why?
Always! =) There's really no reason why, it just happens when I do something stupid.

3. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
At the moment, a place so foreign that I would feel like a new person.

4. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
I have way too many dreams, but let me just keep the dearest to heart, =)

5. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
It's science, so of course I do.

6. Do you like being who you are today?
Some days more than the other. When I don't like it, I'll try to change it to be better.

7. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Invest it, in many many ways , i.e properties, education, unit trust, charity

8. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Depends. If I think he feels the same way, I just might.

9. Who are the top five people in the world you would wish to meet?
The top of my list includes our prophet, Muhammad S.A.W, Khadijah Bint Khuwaylid A.S, A'isha Bint Abi Bakr, Khalid Ibn Al-Walid

10. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
I wish for someone who loves me enough.

11. Which type of cars I love the most?
I like 4 wheel drive.

12. Please put one quote below.

Question: How does a girl who falls...No, actually, she jumps...                  
eyes open, down a rabbit hole,plummeting into chaos...
come out the other end unchanged?
              
The answer? She doesn't. 

13. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
Tell me nicely.

14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
I wish everyone in this world have enough love and empathy to care and not to hurt.

15. Are you a shopaholic or not?
I can be, =P

16. What kind of electronic device/gadget you own that you like most?
My Asus P525

17. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
I'd like to have more patience.

18. What makes you feel disappointed?
Bad customer service

19. If given a chance, do you want to see your future?
Only on a few things.

20. How important is being honest?
Only when it matters.

I'm tagging back: Syu, Sari, Ainur, Sheils, Ayaz, Fadhil, Kak Amy, liena Ideris

Put on your running shoes.

The experts always say that everytime you encounter a challenge, confront it. Never run. I wonder if these experts have ever have my challenges.

It's true in theory and yes it sounds really motivating. Let's get real though. As if having the problems is not bad enough, now we have someone telling us that we are not brave enough by running.

Is running really that bad?

It depends. There are some problems that you have to deal head on. However, there are cases that you have dealt with it so many times that it left you emotionally dried and yet nothing has changed.

It is like finding a needle in a huge stack of hays in a building with the size of Midvalley Megamall plus the new Garden. Do we want to keep on searching? Or can we go to seven eleven and buy a new needle or better yet, a new sweater at Nichis?

When we deal with the same thing so many times, the chances of the problem to be solved getting slimmer. Yet through the process, we wasted time and energy to do something that resulted in nothing. Worst yet, we might lose faith. An optimist could easily become a pessimist.

What would you do then? Do you keep on trying or are you allowed to run?

For a change, let me suggest to you something that is rather radical and might enrage all those motivational speakers. Stop trying. Stop solving and see how it would work out. It might surprise you that when you stop trying, things just fall back into places.

Besides, there are some things that can only be mend with time. And time never work well with those who suffers.

Then again, life is never that simple. In between the black and white, there is a stinking huge wide gap of gray. It might work, it might not work. But what have you got to lose?

Give it a thought.

When is enough is enough?

I saw a mentally challenged person today. She is my client's mother. He did not tell us that his mother has this condition until she suddenly came into his office and started screaming hysterically. He was extremely embarrassed but not once raised his voice. After a while, the mother left. He took sometime to lift his eyes to meet us but we waited patiently. He apologized repeatedly. I tried my best to tell him that he has nothing to be embarrassed about and we are okay.

He then explained that his mother had a mental breakdown 8 months ago, after his father passed away. He said that his family knew that even before his father passed away that his mother was going through something. She was depressed for quite sometimes. Since she never said anything, they did not ask. They assumed that she must be able to handle whatever she was dealing with or else she would say something. Unfortunately she never said anything and whatever that was building inside her exploded the day her husband passed away.

Later that day, I keep on thinking about what happened. The questions that keeps nagging at the back of my mind is, how bad is it? Why did not she tell someone? And finally, when is the breaking point?

I cannot help but think back of all my depressed days. I took some psychology classes, so I know a little bit about the symptoms of people going through depression. One of the symptoms is that not wanting to leave the bed or even do anything. Whenever I feel like going through this, I always push myself to at least leave the bed to wash my face. That is all the push it needs, everything else will slowly fall into place. The worst thing when you reach the stage of not wanting to leave the bed is that, you don't really want to talk to anyone. Pushing someone to talk at this stage is a waste of time or would even make it worse. They will talk only when they feel like talking.

I know that this is more of Lina Ideris's area and I am no expert. However, I think when someone reach this stage, what they need is just attention. Whether a small talk or a touch of hand or simply by just being there next to them would help. Any amount of love is appreciated.

So, the question: When is the breaking point? When would you know that enough is enough?

The answer might be 'never' when it comes to love. However, in depression, whenever the question is triggered, the answer will always be 'Now' and it's time for story telling.

Starfish

One summer ago, a boy had changed my life.

It was a hot summer and I was getting suffocated with work that I decided to take some time off. As soon as my weekend started, I packed my things, filled up my tank and just hit the wheel. I have no idea where I was going, all I know is that I need some fresh air. I finally ended up on a rather deserted beach.

After checking in, I decided to take a walk down the beach. I could not really get near to the beach since there were thousands of starfishes washed out along the beach. Since I just wanted to clear my head, I did not mind the beach nor the water. I continued walking until I saw a boy, not far from me, throwing a starfish, one by one back to the water. It striked me the act was rather foolish since there were too many starfish, but I did not say a word. I just watch him from afar and turned back to the inn where I was staying.

On the next day, before checking out, I took my last walk on that beach. And then there the boy was, still throwing starfishes into the water. This time, I just stood there and watched him do it repeatedly. When I could not contain my curiosity any longer, I walked up close to him. If he was shocked to see me, he did not show it.

"Can I help you, sir? He asked me politely. His hands were still clutching to a starfish and his tone, the way he carried it, sound as if he was distracted from doing an important job. He might as well be.

"Well, I was actually rather curious about what you are doing actually. I was here yesterday too and I noticed that you have been throwing starfishes into the sea. So, if you don't mind telling me, what is it exactly you are doing? It seems that you are rather obsessed with it"

"Well, I'm saving them sir. They belong to the water" He answered innocently. I almost smiled, he must have thought I am a foolish person for asking this. I then tried to rephrase my sentence again, trying not to sound too idiotic this time.

"I know that. It is just that, don't you think it is rather foolish? I mean, look at this beach, there must be thousands of them. It would not even make a difference. You throw one into the water but there will be at least another 10 coming in. It would not even matter" I added the last sentence slowly, it was barely a whisper though I believed that he must have heard me because he suddenly looked at me.

The boy then lowered his head and stared long into one of the starfish in his hand. I soon feel sorry that I might have discourage him. As I was still struggling with my words to comfort him, he suddenly looked at me and raised his hand with the starfish in it. Then he gently throw it into the water.

"It matters to that one sir" He said in a as a-matter-of-factly voice, and just continue picking another starfish and throwing them into the water and then another.

I was stunned by his answer. There he was, a boy, realized that it does not matter to the result at large but only thinking on the one he is holding. Then I realize too, no matter how small a deed is, it still will change at least someone's life.

Then I picked up a starfish.

- The story was told by one of the trainer for Etiqa Brand Vision Training. It was a rather short story but is modified by me, to add a little life & spice to it. =)

I GOT TAGGED

My dear dear cousin tagged me! 8 random facts about me..
haha how random are we talking about? =)

The Rules

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.
   

8 Random Facts!

1. I just recently learned to play Sudoku and now I am addicted to it.
2. I hate lotus notes.
3. For the past 2 months, I've been stocking up Jodi Picoult's and now I have 8 of hers.
4. London is my least favorite place of all the places that I've been to.
5. I hated bean sprouts with all my heart but is taking baby steps to eat them by eating spring rolls. =)
6. I have a crush on Brad Pitt since forever.
7. I don't get football nor the pleasure of watching it.
8. I have short fingers, shorter than Ella's.
   

Lucky 8:

1. Cik Ainur Fadhillah Ahmad Fuad
   
2. Cik Syuhada Adnan
3. Cik Sarimah Samad
4. Cik Nurul Fadhillah Yaacob (whom I heard is back in town)
5. Cik Nurul Sheila Khaleb
   
6. Cik Azlina Ideris aka ayu
7. Cik Amelia Wardah Kasim
   
8. En Ayaz Ismail

Have fun you guys!

Saturday April 5, 2008

THE END OF A FAMILY KETTLE

Kuala Terengganu: On 1981, a couple of Allahyarham Tengku Kamaruddin Bin Tengku Salim and Akmar binti Ariffin, had received a kettle as one of their wedding presents. Today, after 26 years, the kettle finally has rendered its service.

When asked what was the cause of death, the eldest daughter of the couple does not have a definite answer for that. However, she speculates that it might be caused by her brother who left the kettle on the stove until the water runs dry. She also added that there are many other factors that could contribute to it. The kettle's age is one of the reasons given by her and also the pre-existing illnesses.

Throughout its service, the kettle had confronted with a number of accidents which had left it with many scars and cracks. It also had gone through many major surgeries where some parts of its bodies has been replaced. However, it had never stopped doing what it does best, boiling water. Until today.

In the meantime, the family is now hiring a temporary kettle to replace the deceased. Despite of the many options in the market, the family still wants to stick with a stove kettle rather than an electric kettle.

As a tribute to the kettle's long and loyal service, the family has decided to dedicate this column to the kettle. Peace.









Wear and Tear : The 9 faces of the kettle painted with colors of hardworks and loyalty. The picture is taken on the day of the burial.

















Temporary replacement: Seated next to its temporary replacement, the kettle is now at peace.

Gender Discrimination in Syari'ah Court?

I went to KL last week for a training. My colleague, who is also a good friend, joined the same session. She missed the second day morning session because she had to go to a syari'ah court for the verdict for her case. She is requesting for a fasakh for over a year and had moved to a new house . Her ex-husband made a fuss about picking up their children at their old residence and had my friend arrested since she failed to show up at the old residence on one weekend. My friend was bailed at RM2,000 as per the judge's instruction simply for that act, for wanting the children to be safe (the old residence was rather dangerous). She then filed a case against her ex-husband to have the child picked up at the new residence and the verdict was
announced that morning.

She did not say anything when she arrived that morning. When we break for lunch, I asked her if everything is okay and from her solemn face, I knew that it did not go well. She lost the case.

Facts:

1. The ex-husband tried to hit her last time when she sent the children to the old residence.
2. The distance between the old residence and the new residence is too far, it's economically and geographically insane.
3. The husband never give her and the children nafkah in their two years of separation.
4. She was arrested as if she is a criminal, when she only tried to be a mother.
5. The judge has sided with the ex-husband even before her case was heard.

Bottom line: She was being discriminated.

She told me even her lawyer was surprised that they lost the case since they felt that the case is rock solid. She is worried now since her request for fasakh is still ongoing and it will be heard by that same judge. She has lost thousands for the past two years and now she is going to appeal for the case that she lost, which would easily add another thousands.

She plans to file a complaint and asked me if I have friends who have a connection to the big people. I asked Sarimah for DS Shahrizat contact but was told that DS Shahrizat is not the person to contact for these type of cases. She gave me other options such as Sisters in Islam and Awam.

Sisters in Islam (SIS) is an independent non-governmental organisation,
formed in 1988, which believes in an Islam that upholds the principles
of equality, justice, freedom and dignity.

I also had a chance to talk to a very experienced lawyer and he told me that my friend has several options. She can complain to Ketua Hakim Syari'i, MB Selangor or straight to Sultan Selangor since he is the Head of the Religion of Islam in Selangor.

AWAM is an independent feminist

organisation committed to improving

the lives of women in Malaysia.

I know that she sounds a little paranoid. In her shoes, she has to be. There are a lot of story where the divorce cases lasted as long as 12 years. Not only it will involve a lot of money, she will waste her time and energy for unnecessary problem.

So, I'm asking you to help. Maybe not on her case. I am asking you to say something on this issue so that no one else would ever have to go through this.

p/s I think long and hard before I write this entry. I feel weird telling something so personal though she gave her full consent to me. Still, I want to put it out there so that people would know. So, I tried to not describe my friend and her ex-husband's personality as much as possible and lay out the facts as accurate as I could.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

I am jealous.

why?

Because I went to check out Syu's blog just now and it is filled with pictures.

Hence my new resolution, put more pictures in blog.

Anger

When my cousin's kids tore off the plastic cover of the congkak that I bought at Kota Kinabalu and took out the seashells (its marbles), really, I was trying very hard not to shout. I threw a fake smile and nonchalantly continued the conversation that I had with my cousin. Inside I was boiling, to think of how I carefully bring it from KK to avoid from any scratch.

Ten minutes after that, as I was still talking to my cousin, I silently reasons with myself. They are just kids and they are doing what kids do best, being curious. Besides, I can easily wrap it again. It's not like there's a special plastic wrap and as far as the seashells go, I can always find them. I am living in Terengganu for God sake, you see seashells everywhere you turn your head. Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating. But, really, there is no point of getting angry.

Anger. I used to hate it. I hated it because I saw what it can do to people. I saw how a one time anger can break a relationship for years. I hated it for years. I prayed to God to never let me have that emotion.

Then I got a job. My first job. I was an employee trying to shine and I see myself too soft to do so. I observed and I decided to hire someone new. So I employed anger. Used it as a weapon, as a bargaining tool. As a trigger. I was pulling the trigger, everytime, until I finally saw the images behind it. The faces of the people I hurt. It's the cost of that employment.

I changed my strategy then. I employ anger still, but only on the temporary basis. You see, we need anger in life. How else would you be motivated then if there's no anger to heat you up. I guess the secret is, you have to take charge. Let anger know that you are the employer and you are the one to pull the trigger.

So then you know. When the heat starts to burn your skin, you can call it to a halt.

Parking & Me - Part 2

And so I was stuck. After walking around my car a few times, he slowly shook his head, as if he was telling himself that this is an impossible situation. He took out his handphone and started dialing. Impatient (and freaked out), I asked him if he can help me. He told me to hold on while he get the guys that helped me earlier. Really, at that time, I was more embarrassed than scared and all I wish at the time was Doraemon's Pintu Sesuka Hati. Within a few minutes, they got here and through the overlappings of voices, I realized how bad the situation is.

I was sweating like crazy and my breath became unsteady. Nervous breakdown? Maybe. Frustration, mixed with feelings scared and embarrassed led me to ALMOST crying. I don't usually cry in front of strangers and I don't cry for stuff like this. I cried at books and movies for other people's stories, but I always try to be strong for myself. That day, was a history. The guys, realized that I was ALMOST crying try to calm me down. Seriously, can this day get any worse? Thankfully it doesn't.

After everything failed, they tried to find the owners of the vehicles around me. Of course it's impossible, they couldn't even get one. They tried to push the Saga forward but it had the handbreak on. THEY almost give up when one of them realized that he can push down the Saga so that the Saga bumper that was touching my car's bumper can be pushed down. Since once cannot possibly hold it for so long, 2 guys were pushing the car down while another guy was giving instruction and looking at the front bumper and another one was looking at my tire, to make sure that it's turning at the right angle. Team effort, ain't it?

After several attempts, I made it. Actually, to be precise, THEY made it with very little help from me. None of them said I told you so, though it's clearly my fault. They helped me even when I didn't even listen to them and they even sympathized with me. They were smiling, sympathetically, as I shouted my thanks repeatedly. Definitely, my heroes..

As I drive to a parking spot at the corner far at the back, I started thinking of how bad my day has started and how today is going to be a bad day. Then, my eyes caught a blue Gen2, still moving slowly behind me and a smile out of nowhere came lurking.

It was not a bad day. It's actually an exact opposite. I learned that despite all the bad things happened in the world, there are still a lot of good people. I had the guys missed their breakfast and late for work, but not once they showed me a sour face. The Gen2 driver too was a real sweetheart. Some people would easily blame me and at least showed that they are angry. After all, it was my fault. But after waiting behind me for almost one hour, she then parked next to me and came up to me and asked if everything was okay.

If that did not define a good day. I don't know what does.

Anyways, my car only had a small dent on the back bumper above the tire. Other than that, it's perfect. So did the rest of the day.

Parking & Me

Day One
My mom got a call from Ekspres Kesatuan, the nice lady at the ticket counter told her that my sister's ticket that we want to sell back has been bought and we need to come to the counter to collect the refund. Anyways, I usually park at the parking lot near Bangunan Paya Bunga/Mac D, very near to the bus station and I was heading there when I see the entrance was blocked with a row of plastic chairs and a huge 'forklift??' in that area. A construction. Oh well. I then parked at a metered parking and walked to the counter and got our refund. Day one. Happy Ending.

Day Two
I left for the office early today because my mom left early and my brother's not home. So, there's really nothing left to do at home. With a total disregard that I don't have a place to park since my favorite parking spot (just because the adik-adik parking lot are always nice to me and always let me pay half the actual parking fee, yay!) is having a building constructed on it, I drove cheerly to the office. Today is going to be a great day, was my exact word as I put on gear 1.

Huh.. little did I know...

As I was approaching the carpark, it hit me that the biggest parking lot in the city (city, yes city) is gone. People will definitely fighting over the small carpark behind Maybank. Trying my luck, I entered the area. The cars were lined up and parked so close to each other. I took a quick look at the clock on the dashboard, 8.30, which means I still have 15 minutes. I quickly exited that Maybank parking lot area and drove to another parking lot near the city mosque (masjid bandar), behind bangunan Yayasan Terengganu. It looked full, so I drove slowly around to be sure not to miss any spot aaaaaand I just missed one.

As I put on the reverse gear, I noticed there's a blue Gen2 behind me. The driver slowly reversed her car as I did mine. When she stopped, I also stopped, thinking that my car can fit between a white van and a red Saga. If only I could think at that moment why is this spot near the entrance is empty while rows behind it are packed, I would not be telling this story now. So, I slowly turned my wheel right and moved forward when I realized that the back of my car is waay too close to that Saga's back, 2 inches close. I immediately stopped, totally freaking out, not sure what to do.

Luckily, a few guys (totally my heroes) who were heading for breakfast noticed my situation and quickly came to help. With their instructions (and quite a series of conflicting instructions since, u know, 2 inches close!), I finally got myself out from that spot and I heard their voices faintly as they were leaving me that they told me to park somewhere else since it's too small. Not even having the courtesy of making sure they are really gone and being a stubborn head as I have always been, I reversed my car again, 100% sure that I would make it this time and tried to drive to that spot. I got really lucky this time. I knocked the van in front of me and totally scratched the back against the red Saga. For a moment I sat still, too shocked to actually do anything. Mind you, the Gen2 was waiting patiently behind me.

Thankfully, one of the guys that helped me earlier, a pakcik (judging from his handphone, I don't think it's just any pakcik) actually was still nearby. He hurried towards me and told me to not do anything while he closely observed the damage that I've done. I was watching him all the while, hoping that he could do miracle because I was stuck. My door is too close to the Saga. If I don't get out from this spot, I wouldn't even able to get out from my car, damn it!

to be continued... (csi break)

How important is it to have a good look?
Well, I just throw the question out there but come on, everyone knows that it's rhetorical. Still, when I said it out loud, people would say, look is very subjective and beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Get real.

Love
I'm very much a virgin on this issue. I thought I've read enough books, enough movies and enough stories to understand it. Still, there's no one story of love. They create so much drama that I think it's overrated. For a beautiful thing as such as love, shouldn't it be simpler? It shouldn't cause any pain right? It should be simpler. Definitely.

Truth
The truth is, what is the definition of truth? Even different dictionaries have different interpretations of truth. So how can one define truth? The truth is, I think truth is overrated. The truth is, I think truth is subjective. One truth to one's eye, is a lie to another's ear. Can you really tell if you are telling the truth? How do you know if you are telling the truth? Seeing is believing, but what if there are three different sets of eyes and they all believe different things?

Truth, love and looks; these are the first thing that popped into my mind when I think about them. I could be biased. It could be heavily influenced by my current state of mind. Still, they are important enough to me that I seldom think about them.

Nevertheless, I want to hear what other people are thinking about them. So, I am calling all the bloggers out there to share your thoughts or maybe stories or anything at all that you can think of, of truth, love and looks.

Some of those who are on my bloggers list, ksyu, judd, fadhil, Sari, Asrif, Syu, Ainur.. those who are not on that list(cause i'm too lazy to update my layout, but I frequently read your blogs =D), Kak Amy, Lina Ideris, Ayaz, adik, Yie, Faiz.. And some people who I think have a blog, Sheila =P...

I want to know what you think. Really.

Masseuse vs Medicine

My feet hurts.

I thought I sprained my ankle though I seriously don't know when I sprained them. For two days my mother insisted that I go see a tukang urut (masseuse), but I kept telling her that it would be better in one or two days. The truth was, I was scared to death to treat myself to that. I've never done it before.

At the office, the pain was getting worse. I was close to tears when my colleagues insisted that I have to go see a tukang urut. They were crunching numbers of all the tukang urut they knew when I was in the surau, fighting my tears. Finally, one of them got a number of a makcik in her neighborhood. A friend brought me there, kicking and screaming.

As soon as we got there, I immediately told her that I have no experience whatsoever of being massaged, just a hint so that she would go easy on me. Instead, she just stare at me blankly. As the makcik lay an old mengkuang mat and asked me to sit on it, I silently plead with God to make this experience less painful than it supposed to be. I was looking at several different exits when she settled herself in front of me and I can't help but think if this is how boys would feel during circumcision.

She started with my calves, so far so good. I was grinning to my friend (the one who brought me there) who's sitting on the rattan chair behind me when the makcik hit the good part. If I didn't know any better, God knows the vocabs that could flew out of my mouth that time.

"Memang sakit ni sebab urat dah terkeluar. Nak kena bagi masuk urat dulu tak sakit la"

As she said that, she pulled and pushed my feet so many times that I have consider telling her:

"Takpelah makcik kalau tak masuk pun. Saya nak baliklah, seminggu lagi okla kot"

Somehow, I managed to keep that dialog only to play in my head. And somehow during that pulling and pushing I heard several cracklings and the makcik's face looking relieved.

"Dengar tak bunyi tu? Maknanya urat dah masuk lah tu. Bila dah masuk, boleh urut. Tak sakit dah"

I'm telling you, never believe a masseuse when they say it's not going to hurt. God, how that massage hurts! After a while, she stopped and she said to leave it overnight and it will be okay. As much as I wanted to believe her, there were small voices at the back of my head that says she didn't really do anything. She only touched once at the place that really hurts and she commented:

"Eh ni kenapa merah ni. Panas pulak tu, bengkak ni. Ni sakit ni"

Isn't she's the one who is supposed to tell me what is wrong with me?

So, I left her place, with the same amount of pain (possibly worse) and feeling confuse more than ever. That night, it hurts so much, I couldn't get any sleep. I told my mother (who also can't sleep since I was awake the whole night) that I was going to see a doctor this time.

In the morning, before I went to the clinic, I googled for sprained ankle. Nothing on the results match my symptoms. I told my mother that I don't think I sprained my ankle because sprained ankle has to be sudden and I should be aware when and if it happened. Besides, the location of the pain is totally off. Then she asked me:

"You told me that while you were studying, there was one time that you had to use crutches. What was it again? Could it possibly be the same thing?

I turned my chair towards the computer even before she can finish her sentence and bingo! Here it is. All the symptoms, the location, exactly the same. I've got tendinitis, or achilles tendinitis to be exact, my tendon tissue was torn due to overuse.

So I went to see a doctor that morning, explained everything to him and he checked on my heels and he confirmed it that it was in fact tendinitis. I have to take some medicine (celebrex, a painkiller but when taken on a higher dosage, it supposed to reduce the swelling) and a tube of pain-relieving gel. He even scolded me for seeing a masseuse because he said that my tissue needs to regenerate, not to be relocate and to do that, it would take time. The medicine is simply to make it less painful till it has been fully regenerated. The medicine works. I can once again put my left feet on the ground. Oh what a blessing.

But what left me wondering was that what did the makcik exactly do pushing and pulling my feet and that crackling sound, is that really my urat that has now being located at its right place? I might never know but I sure hope that it won't come haunting me in the future!

p/s By all means, go see a masseuse if you sprained your ankle, I have no objection to that. I guess I was unlucky this time. This makcik might not aware of feet injuries other than sprained ankle.

This age

An interesting conversation I had today.

Ring..ring.. (me calling home)

My sister: Hello
Me: Adik, Mi (my mother) pergi ofis tak hari ni?
My sister: Tak..
Me: Ooo.. Mi masak ke?
My sister: *giggle* yes
Me: Kenapa gelak?
My sister: Mi masak special *more giggles*
Me: Masak apa?
My sister: Adalah, balik je lah, pukul berapa nak balik ofis ni?
Me: Nak balik la ni.. apsal?
My sister: Emmm *thinking loudly*
...after a short pause..
Kakna, tolong beli kek? Secret Recipe eh?
Me: *speechless*

Lorr... there you go, I need to buy my own birthday cake.. haish.. I went with my brother though, and he decided to pay since he's (his own words) too lazy to think of anything special to give me.. nevertheless, it was a very good dinner... excellent nasi ayam and good cakes too (we got several different kind of cakes, a slice of each mind you)

Thank you everyone for the wishes and the songs. I've gotten at least 3 birthday songs over the phone and my favorite is of course Syu's. Haha, not that the others are not good singers but she has recorded it and send it through MMS. While I thought it was just a picture with birthday greetings, it actually was a singing message. The timing? Perfect. I received and opened the message while I was having lunch with a client. He loved it and amused too!

I consider myself lucky and blessed to be granted a chance to finish another year of my life. People's expectations of this age, is a lot. I'm not too worried about that though. I'm more concern of my own expectations. This is not what I picture myself doing and having at this age. I expect more of myself. Time is running short. I need to catch up.

tick tock..

Monsoon

It was not the weatherman that forecasted there will be a huge flood in Terengganu. Nor was it the Monsoon Cup that started two days ago. Not the flashflood my client in Gua Musang been complaining about that almost destroy his plantation. Not even the raging sea with its waves slamming the shore in Pantai Rhu Sepuluh when I drove back from Kota Bharu. No, none of that. It was not until several days ago, when I was driving back from work, and it was raining quite heavily that I finally realized, it's that time of the year again, the monsoon...

I have always love winter. One of the best season I have lived in, I always say. My definition of winter is not the same as the calendar's. Mine is when the first flake of snow touches the Bloomington's land, then the winter season has started. So, it's really the snow that I love. It's hard to explain the feeling. But it felt like nothing can ever be wrong when it's snowing and nothing had been so far. I love the feeling, and when I saw the snow flakes gracefully dancing outside my window, I know it's that time of the year again. Nothing will ever be wrong.

I was surprised when the feeling of "it's that time of the year again" came to me several days ago. That means, I'm slowly letting go of my winter and accepting the monsoon. I'll miss winter though but I'll love the monsoon just as much.. I just know it..

It's raining almost everyday in Terengganu now and I love it..

Got tagged!

My sister tagged me.. I'm still very new in this concept of tagging and this would be the first time I got tagged.. so here goes!

LIST OUT THE TOP 5 PRESENTS YOU WISH FOR:
(a) Infinite open ticket to anywhere in the world for two(and of course with no expiry)
(b) Honda Civic Hybrid
(c) A bungalow with a swimming pool and gym and big yard (hahaha.. that's asking a lot eh?)
(d) Music and dancing lessons
(e) All this year feature gadgets.. especially the latest MacBook Pro..

LIST OUT THE REASONS FOR YOUR CHOICE:
(a) Simple. I love travelling.
(b) Hehe I fall in love with the honda civic, and since they just release the hybrid model, why not?
(c) I'm always too lazy to go out, so it's easy if I got everything at home..
(d) Haha, I always want to take all these lessons but they cost too much..
(e) informaaatics.. need I say more?

THE PERSON WHO TAG-ED YOU IS:
My ever so drama queen sister (she is so going to kill me for that, hahaha)

5 IMPRESSION OF HIM/HER:
(a) drama queen.. haha kidding, sensitive of others' and own feelings maybe sounds more accurate
(b) Pretty good with money
(c) Independent
(d) Loyal to friends
(e) Can keep a secret

MOST MEMORABLE THINGS HE/SHE HAS DONE FOR YOU:
hehehe I got a handbag last time she went home... i love it, it's really cute.. that is rather memorable..

MOST LOVED INVENTION (does not need to be technologically advanced)
wow.. this is really difficult... hmmm... I would have to say MacBook Pro.. and TV!!! where else would I watch Grey's Anatomy then?

WHAT DO YOU DESPISE THE MOST:
being lied to

PEOPLE YOU WANNA TAG : Syu, Ainur, Lina ING, Sari, Fadhil

****

All righty.. I finally finish it.. can you believe that I took 3 days to do this.. I got stuck at the first question.. I think I want too much but when I got to (d), I'm absolutely clueless.. anyway, yay!!

Just another starless night
a clowned face
a muffled cry
and the dawn is painted red

the aching pain that keeps you up at night.......

Pertama kali aku tergugah
Dalam setiap kata yang kau ucap
Bila malam tlah datang
Terkadang ingin ku tulis semua perasaan

Kata orang rindu itu indah
Namun bagiku ini menyiksa
Sejenak ku fikirkan untuk ku benci saja dirimu
Namun sulit ku membenci

Pejamkan mata bila kuingin bernafas lega
Dalam anganku aku berada disatu persimpangan jalan yang sulit kupilih

Ku peluk semua indah hidupku
Hikmah yang ku rasa sangat tulus
Ada dan tiada cinta bagiku tak mengapa
namun ada yang hilang separuh
diriku

-Bimbang, Melly Goeslow

*******************************************************************

I started writing this entry with a sad story. It's been on my mind for one whole day.. nay scratch that, actually it's been a week that I started the countdown.. Today shouldn't be different than any other day. It has been 6 years and I have moved on, I am moving on. I love my life now, with its warts and all. But why oh why do I find myself picturing his smiles and hearing his laughs while I was walking through 'Pasar Malam'? Why, me, a person who thought life is better this way, found myself crying through my 'Pasar Malam' browsing which I'm sure left some of the pakcik looking scared.

As soon as I got home, I tried writing the whole thing, about his personality mostly, because that's what I promised myself to write when I first started this blog. It wasn't purposely created for him but was inspired by him. But why can't I finish my story? I started writing it only to find that I can't possibly finish it, which leaves me with this entry. Today is no different than any other day. Today shouldn't be different. It's been 6 years and I still miss him terribly.

One day, I'll write about him. One day, I'll write about Abah..

the chair

sitting numbly, as the clowns twirl, waving, inviting..

hands tied, feet glued, and come a silent cry "it's the chair!

"i can set you free" a voice echoed and there emerge from the shadows, handsome prince with glistening smile, riding on white horse offering his hand.

Long she stares at the sparkling smile, grandiose suit and magnificent carriage, her eyes full of hope if only in a glimpse.

The clowns stop twirling and weird faces popping in, the audiences.

Take his hand! You will be free! silent shouts of approval stirring chaos in her heart and as she withdraws her hand, her heart filters a contrary plead.

"No, stop! it's another chair!

With hands held in mid-air, she turns around and her eyes found a man in ragged white clothes, breathless.

Audiences' eyes on the man in ragged clothes.
"Quest him what he may promise you"

Audiences' head turns in tunes sharply to the prince.
"Take a peek inside my carriage and you may find the seats are layered with the finest cotton world have seen, lined with the rarest leather and the seat so soft you will feel like you are sitting on the fluffiest clouds. Now, what can you offer?

Audiences's eyes sparkle in quest and the man in ragged clothes smiled sadly.

"Yet it is another chair, be it that splendorous. I can offer you the wings so you may fly, I can give you tails so you can swim, or train your feet to run in the greenest, longest field on earth. I am offering you the world"

Audiences' taken aback.

"You are promising the world. How would you free me when you are mere commoner"

And the prince laugh. Again the man smiles.

"For me to promise you the world is for me to promise you that I won't be able to free you from the chair. Neither I nor the prince may rescue you" he softly said.

Audiences gasping and the prince roars in fury yet the man smiling still in serene.

"I see no rope tying your hand. I see no glue holding your feet. Should all the forces on earth combined to free you, failure shall it be. It was never the chair, nor it capable of doing so. It's you. Never content with the ordinary, you sought the extraordinary, the prince. In waiting, you prison yourself in your thinking that ordinary is not good enough"

The audiences again gasping as the man snaps his finger and changes into a dazzlingly beautiful lady.

"Look is nothing more than pure deception and it blinds you to what is important in life."
Once again she snaps her fingers and vanish into thin air.

The audiences left.